[Petit's supermarket]

Ray: This is my cell phone I carry it with me 24 hours a day.

Miss Broccoli: Imagine, meeting someone over broccoli.

Ray: I know. What are the odds. Oh, ah, excuse me, my associate's applying dairy foods to his body. Call me?

***

Ray: Fraser what are you doing?

Fraser: I know your nostalgic for that glacier life style but you're missing the whole point of coming to a supermarket.

Fraser: What do you mean?

Ray: Well the modern supermarket is the place to meet women in the 90's.

Fraser: Really.

Ray: Absolutely. I mean you don't know who you're gonna meet in a bar. At least in here you can tell a lot about a person just by the section you meet her in.

Fraser: How?

Ray: Well for example if she's near the vegetables she cares about her body. If she's near the meat, an animal in bed. And if she's near the Eskimo pies, she's given up, move back to meat.

***

Ray: Oh, no! You're putting beef on your nose? Stop that!

Fraser: This meat is bad.

Ray: Well, that's a shame, because it looks really good on you. Why don't you dab a little pork behind your ears?

Fraser: So's this one.

***

Mrs. Gamez: Please hurry my boy is sick. He's in danger. Please hurry.

Clerk: I'm going as fast as I can. Nice. You know how much this was?

Mrs. Gamez: No.

I need a price check on five. Price check on five.

just forget that one.

Clerk: Hey this isn't enough.

***

Fraser: Will that cover it?

[Gamez apartment]

Mario: Mama, mama.

Girl: He's burning up. He's so hot.

Mrs. Gamez: He's getting worst.

Fraser: They're on their way.

[hospital]

Ray: Any news on the kid?

Fraser: They pumped his stomach. I think they got him soon enough. He should be okay.

Ray: Good, cause I have a feeling I'm gonna have to rush off here on some urgent business. Hello, Miss Broccoli. Ma! What are you calling me on my private line for? Course I got the parmesan.

Doc: Mrs. Gomez?

Mrs. Gomez: Yes?

Doc: Alright, there shouldn't be any permanent damage.

Mrs. Gamez: Oh, thank you doctor, thank you.

Doc: Bob, Bob. Elliot just made Chicago All-stars in soccer.

Bob: Great.

Doc: Uh, now we'll probably never know what caused this but it looks like food poisoning probably you left some meat out too long.

Mrs. Gamez: No that's not possible. I would never do that.

Social Worker: I'm here. Are you Mrs. Gamez? Can we use your office?

Doc: Uh, don't be too long.

Mrs. Gamez: What does she mean?

Doc: Well I had to call Child and Family Services. They just want to talk to you about a few things. Alright? Hey, hey. Little guy scored three goals in the first period.

Social Worker: This way.

***

Fraser: Excuse me, doctor. I'm Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Doc: Uh, What's your connection here Constable?

Fraser: I'm just trying to lend a hand, sir.

Ray: He does that a lot.

Fraser: I think you're right about it being food poisoning sir but not from food that's been left out too long. I believe the little boy ate diseased meat.

Doc: Any why do you believe that?

Fraser: Olfactory analysis.

Doc: You smelled it?

Ray: He does that a lot too.

Fraser: I took this from the trash in Mrs. Gamez's apartment. I thought perhaps you could...

Doc: There's not enough of it there to analyze. Constable I appreciate your concern but um...frankly I thing we're dealing with a woman who, from South America, is used to a different level of hygiene. I had no choice but to make the call to protect both the children and the hospital.

Fraser: El Salvador.

Doc: What?

Fraser: They're from El Salvador.

Doc: I'm sure they are.

***

Fraser: What are you doing?

Ray: Checking to see if he has any outstanding parking tickets.

***

Social Worker: I've noticed that our office has been in contact with you before Mrs. Gamez.

Mrs. Gamez: That's right.

Social Worker: Three complaints by a Mr. Taggister.

Mrs. Gamez: The landlord? He's trying to get us to move so he can rent my apartment for more money.

Social Worker: And you have three other children? Mr. Gamez is not in the house?

Mrs. Gamez: No.

Social Worker: You must have your hands full. I just have two kids and they make my head spin.

Mrs. Gamez: My eldest daughter helps me. She's a very good girl.

Social Worker: Well it's certainly understandable that a mistake can be made.

Mrs. Gamez: I didn't make a mistake.

Social Worker: Your refrigerator's broken?

Mrs. Gamez: Mr. Taggister won't fix it.

Social Worker: You do understand Mrs. Gamez that if you don't keep meat cold--

Mrs. Gamez: I only buy enough to use each day.

Social Worker: Why do you thing your other kids didn't get sick?

Mrs. Gamez: They ate at a neighbors.

Social Worker: What did they have?

Mrs. Gamez: I don't really know.

Social Worker: Okay, that should do it for now.

Mrs. Gamez: What do you mean 'For now?'

***

Mario: Thank you for helping me.

Fraser: You're welcome.

Ray: I bet you've never seen a detectives badge up close.

Mario: His hat is so cool.

Ray: How about a tazer?

***

Fraser: What is it.

Mrs. Gamez: They make it that I hurt my Mario. that I made him sick.

Fraser: Ray.

Ray: Yeah, I've got to get back to the office. Welsh has been all over me. Alright, alright. I know somebody who knows somebody. we'll get the food inspector on it right away.

Fraser: I promise you ma'am, nothing bad will happen.

Mrs. Gamez: Bless you.

Ray: Look, you can reach me or the worlds nicest person at this number.

Fraser: See you soon Mario.

[Petit's supermarket]

Petit: This is ridiculous. I've got 12 stores. Never had any complaints about my meat.

Inspector: He's right. All of this meat is healthy.

Ray: Are you sure? My friends nose has been in some strange places, but he's never been wrong.

Inspector: I'm quite sure.

Fraser: He's right. This meat is okay. It's also been changed.

[alley behind market]

Ray: We don't have a warrant. We don't even have enough evidence for a warrant.

Fraser: We don't need one. A hundred pounds of ground meat does not just enter a supermarket and then leave without a trace.

Ray: Sigh.

Fraser: Ah yes.

Ray: Oh no!

[dumpster in the alley behind the market]

Ray: You know Fraser, when I was a little boy, I used to dream of what it would be like to be a police officer. You know, shooting the bad guys, saving the girl. Being knee deep in day-old chicken heads looking for tainted meat was never a part of that dream.

Fraser: Check that container there.

Ray: Why? If they wanted to hide something they wouldn't have just dumped it in here.

Fraser: Well perhaps not this time. But garbage has a history, Ray. It always leaves something behind.

Ray: Yeah and most of it seems to be on me.

***

Ray: You know what really annoys me? Why am I covered in crud and you look like you just got back from a hand laundry?

Fraser: I don't know. I've always been this way.

***

Ray: Chow. It's Raymondo. Ma. No, ma. I did not forget the lettuce. I got it right here. See a head of lettuce anywhere? Uh, Ma. Yes, I got it. Look look, no I gotta go. Fraser's picking lint off me again.

***

Ray: Thanks but I don't think it's gonna help.

Fraser: It might.

Ray: What is it?

Fraser: Parasites.

Ray: Those were on me?

Fraser: Yes.

[Vecchio bathroom...Ray is in the shower]

Fraser: Ray?

Ray: These things wash off right?

Fraser: Parasites? Yes, of course. Although there is always the chance they laid eggs.

Ray: Soap! More soap!

Fraser: But I don't think so. Most parasites live only on particular hosts.

Ray: What, I wasn't gracious enough? I should have offered them canopies?

Fraser: No, no, what I mean is they're uh -

Ma: Oh I hope you like spaghetti and meatballs. Fraser: Well if you made it, Mrs. Vecchio, I'm sure it will be delicious.

Ray: Ma. You wanna get out of the bathroom.

Ma: He's such a baby.

Ray: It's because I'm wet.

Fraser: What I mean is that each type of animal has it's own distinct parasite.

Frannie: Ho! Sorry. I didn't know you were in here. Maria: Didn't know! She's been standing in the doorway timing it so you'd be undressed. Frannie: You are such a liar! Ray: I am naked in here! Does that mean anything to anybody?

Frannie: (to Ray) Shut up! (to Fraser) Here, you can use my towels.

Fraser: Well thank you but I'm afraid I'm not having a shower.

Frannie: Oh, don't be silly it's really no trouble. (to Ray) And don't use all the hot water!) (back to Fraser) I'll wait for mine.

Maria: Yeah, by the key hole.

Frannie: You know I've really had enough of your mouth!

Fraser: I could be wrong Ray. But I've never seen this parasite in beef. Or pork for that matter.

Tony: I have a question for you.

Ray: Hey man! Shut that off!

Tony: What do you have to do to be a Mountie.

Fraser: Well, Tony, there's a whole battery of mental and physical tests you have to pass.

Tony: I could do that.

Frannie: You can't turn on the big screen without getting winded.

Tony: Who are you? Jane Fonda?

Fraser: In fact Ray, the only animal I've ever seen this on - it was horsemeat, Ray.

Ma: I don't know. These meatballs don't seem right. I don't know if it's the oregano or the garlic. What's missing?

Fraser: Beef.

Ray: Ma! Where'd you buy that meat?

Ma: Petit's Food Town. I think I know what's wrong.

Ray: No! No! No! Ma! Don't! It's dog food!

Ma: Dog food!

Fraser: Possibly diseased.

Ma: Move out of my way!

Ray: No! No! Ma! That was evidence!

Ma: What am I gonna do for dinner?

Fraser: I'm afraid I was too late to get a specimen.

Ray: You know -- this-this meat could be everywhere. (Ring) Hi, it's Vecchio. Yes, Mrs. Gomez, he's right here.

Fraser: Hello Miss--We'll be right there.

Ray: We'll be right where?!?!

[Gamez apartment]

Mrs. Gamez: Stop them please. Stop them.

Social Worker: We did a surprise inspection. There's no hot water.

Mrs. Gamez: The landlord won't fix the heater.

Social Worker: There's evidence of vermin.

Mrs. Gamez: I begged him to call the exterminator. Please don't take my children.

Social Worker: Mrs. Gamez your boy could have died from that meat.

Fraser: Well I may be able to shed some light on that.

Social Worker: Frankly we believe her children will be safer under our umbrella right now. I'm sorry.

Mrs. Gamez: You promised you'd help me. You didn't.

[27th precinct]

Ray: No, no I understand that. Yeah but at least she should be able to see her kids. Right. Right. Well how long will you be considering this. Yeah, well thanks. You have a great day too.

***

Ray: Hey! Hey! Your deaf wolf just ate my jelly doughnut.

Fraser: He doesn't like doughnuts.

Ray: Yeah, well maybe not yours. Come here. I know you did it.

***

Welsh: Vecchio. How you doing on that drugstore homicide on Polaski.

Ray: Uh...well sir you see I'm putting together the preliminary findings and I've been combing over them and I'm looking for that tell-tale thread that will give up the shooter.

Welsh: So I can assume you haven't done anything.

Ray: Uh, that would be accurate sir but uh something has come up.

Welsh: Huey, Louie.

Louis: Louis, sir.

Welsh: You get the Polaski case.

Louis: Yes sir!

Ray: Aw come on sir you see I'm working on this thing. It's sort of a, how can I put it sir, somebody's switching dog food for beef.

Welsh: Dog food Vecchio? I assign you to a dog food case?

Ray: Oh no sir. But I believe I have a situation happening here sir.

Welsh: Drop it.

Ray: Yes sir.

Louis: Dog food? Jack, how come it is we never come up with great cases like that?

Huey: I don't know Louis, I guess we just don't have the nose for it.

Louis: Or perhaps we don't stay low enough to the ground to sniff it out.

Huey: Perhaps.

Ray: Come on fellas give yourselves a little more credit than that. You're plenty low enough.

Louis: Ifs that right Vecchio?

Ray: Yeah. I mean sure. How else can you get your noses that lovely shade of brown.

Louis: Maybe you and I should get together after work.

Ray: I don't think so Louie, I got dinner plans.

Huey: Forget it Louis. Come on.

***

Ray: Ya see? This is why? Hello? Hello? This is why I don't like to help you because I get humiliated.

Fraser: Well I'm very sorry about that Ray.

Ray: I'm a police detective. I don't know from horses. Alright, give me pimps, give me drug dealers, give me something I know how to find.

Elaine: I hear you're asking about horses. I did some checking and there's a major auction going on at the grounds south at Arlington. I thought you'd want to know.

Fraser: Thank you very much Elaine.

Ray: And what is it we have to go on? One lousy little bug? Has it ever occurred to you that you could be wrong?

Mr. Madison: You were right Fraser. I have never seen this particular strain before but it is definently a type of onchocerca cervicalis and it's found only in horse meat.

Fraser: Well thank you very much, Mr. Madison.

Mr. Madison: You're welcome.

Ray: Something tells me we're onto something and I'm not going to let him take this away from me.

***

Ray: A moment of your time please sir.

Welsh: Forget it.

Ray: Thank you sir.

Fraser: Ah excuse me sir. Detective Vecchio believes we have the potential for a major health crises here and there appears to be a strong indication of criminal intent.

Welsh: You really believe that.

Ray: Ah yes, I do sir.

Welsh: Good. Go tell the FDA.

Ray: Is that a meatloaf sandwich sir?

Welsh: Yes it is. Why?

Ray: Oh no reason, sir. I was just wondering does your wife shop at Petit's Food Town?

Welsh: Alright, get on it.

Ray: Thank you very much sir.

***

Fraser: Nicely done.

Ray: Same to you.

Fraser: Are you gonna check for priors on the super market owner? Ray: On my way. Fraser: I'll be at the auction. Call me if you find anything. Ray: Ok.

[auction]

Fraser: Stand to one side. She was just scared.

Stephanie Cabot: Nice work! You just made it a whole lot easier for them to kill that beautiful horse. Stop the slaughter. Save the horses. Stop the slaughter. Save the horses. Thank you. Stop the slaughter. Save the horses. Stop the slaughter. Save the horses.

Fraser: There's nothing wrong with that horse.

Stephanie Cabot: There's nothing wrong with half the horses they're auctioning. Except they're going to be dog food by the weekend. Stop the slaughter, save the horses. Thank you. Stop the slaughter, save the horses.

Legget: You have quite a printing budget there Miss Cabot.

Stephanie Cabot: Obviously not enough to stop butchers like you.

Legget: Oh well then allow me to contribute.

Stephanie Cabot: I don't want your blood money.

Legget: Now don't you over react. I am a business man, Miss Cabot and I provide a useful service.

Stephanie Cabot: You also grind up peoples pets and use them for filler.

Legget: I'm the buyer not the seller. You might save some of that righteous indignation for the seller.

Stephanie Cabot: Yes, well believe me I do,

Legget: Um hm. You know what she needs don't you?

Fraser: Well yes. A world where people don't value life by the pound.

***

Auctioneer: The auction is starting folks lets settle in. First horse weighs in at ten hundred eighty-eight pounds. The bidding starts at fifty. (bidding) Sold 81 cents, Miss Cabot. This horse weighs eleven eighty. (bidding)

***

Ray: You got a problem with something?

Zaleb Carney: You oughta move your foot.

Ray: Maybe I don't want to move my foot.

Zaleb Carney: But if you don't move your foot, I can't get to that horse patty.

Ray: Why would you want that horse patty.

Zaleb Carney: I'm not telling.

Ray: Tell me why you want that horse patty and maybe I'll move my foot.

Zaleb Carney: Never.

Ray: I'm a cop.

Zaleb Carney: So what?

Ray: Do you want to serve time over a piece of manure?

Zaleb Carney: I'd rather go to the chair then talk.

Ray: You know what I just decided? I've just decided you are so nuts I'm gonna let you have that patty.

***

Ray: Yo, Sgt. Preston. Yo, Sgt. Preston. I bring news from the trading post. I bring news from the trading post. Turns out our supermarket owner doesn't have a record. He's squeaky clean.

Fraser: I see.

Ray: He has a chain of stores but they're barely breaking even. However he did just buy a home for a million dollars cash. Oh and Sam the lab guy wanted me to tell you that that bug you took off me only effects --

Fraser: Wild horses?

Ray: Very good!

Fraser: I was afraid of that.

Ray: Is that what these are?

Fraser: No. wild horses would have a different angle of the foot. The hoof would grow out. It would be chipped on the outside.

Ray: Naturally.

Fraser: Also wild horses are protected. You can't capture them or sell them.

Ray: So what happen? One just crawled into the dumpster and past away?

Fraser: I don't know, Ray. But it would appear we're not going to find it here.

Ray: Great. I'll get the car, you say goodbye to the Babe.

Fraser: Babe? Oh you mean...

Ray: Yeah.

Fraser: Why, there's nothing between us.

Ray: Yeah, I'm sure.

Fraser: I barely know her.

***

Fraser: Isn't that...

Stephanie Cabot: Yes it is.

***

Stephanie Cabot: Ninety-seven!

Auctioneer: I'm sorry Miss Cabot but you're over your credit limit.

Stephanie Cabot: I'm out of money.

Auctioneer: Ninety-five any other further advance?

Stephanie Cabot: Take my car!

Auctioneer: I'm sorry Miss Cabot, the terms are cash. Ninety-five cents all through and done at ninety-five.

Fraser: I have thirty.

Auctioneer: Sold Legget Meats ninety-five cents a pound.

Stephanie Cabot: Drat.

Fraser: Miss Cabot. Do you mind if I ask you can uh how you can afford...

Stephanie Cabot: Ah. My allowance.

Fraser: Oh I see. So you would be quite, quite...

Stephanie Cabot: Actually it's my father who is quite quite. Fortunately he approves of how I'm spending my money.

Fraser: And now you'd be going to...

Stephanie Cabot: To sell my car. It was nice meeting you.

Fraser: Excuse me. I was wondering if before you leave...could I ask you a question?

Stephanie Cabot: Yes?

Fraser: Would it be possible for you to get me a breakdown of the various meat packers, the number of horses....

Stephanie Cabot: You know that is the most unique come n I have ever heard.

Fraser: I don't follow you.

Stephanie Cabot: I'll uh, look into that for you.

Fraser: I'd appreciate that. And this is my address.

Stephanie Cabot: Fine.

Fraser: Drive safely. Seat belt.

***

Ray: That's the guy who did it.

Fraser: How do you know?

Ray; He looks like um...that actor.

Fraser: What actor?

Ray: Well you know how Barnaby Jones you can always tell the bad guy because he's played by that actor that you see a lot.

Fraser: Yes?

Ray: He looks like that actor. Trust me. They haven't been able to fool me once.

Or maybe he did it.

Fraser: Ray? What's come on? (Note: Ray doesn't answer.)

***

Fraser: This is it.

Ray: See you later.

Fraser: Oh uh, would you mind dropping by my place and checking of Dief? He's been in the apartment all day.

Ray: Oh great. I can't wait to see what I'll find.

Fraser: Thanks Ray.

Ray: You owe me one.

Fraser: Alright. [to the guys on the street] Afternoon gentlemen.

[Gamez apartment]

Mrs. Gamez: They tell me he's feeling much better. Thank you. I get to take them to the park today.

Fraser: I understand there's going to be a hearing.

Mrs. Gamez: Yes, but everything's going to be okay. I'm going to win and keep my children. Fraser: I'm sure you will. I admire your spirit. You know there's a story I keep forgetting to tell Mario.

Mrs. Gamez: I'm sure he would have liked it.

Fraser: I learned it when I was a little boy. About an Inuit warrior named Nakook who became terrified of another warrior from a neighboring village. So terrified that he decided to abandon him home and run and every night he would build a small hut to stay in. But each of these one-night homes was weak and he didn't have the time to make them strong and so when his enemy finally found him, Nakook had nothing to protect himself and he was lost.

Mrs. Gamez: That is a sad story.

Fraser: Yes, it is.

Mrs. Gamez: How did you know.

Fraser: The family pictures are gone. You can't run Margarita.

Mrs. Gamez: I'm so scared. I'm so scared they're going to keep my children. I was going to take them.

Fraser: I told you I will help you.

Mrs. Gamez: I can't wait forever to have them back. I just can't.

Fraser: Justice will out. I promise you.

[alley behind Fraser's apartment. Ray is eating a Hostess chocolate cupcake]

Ray: Don't don't even think about it, okay? Don't even think about it, alright? Just do what you've got to do so I can get out of here, okay? You know why you can't go, don't you? It's all that sugar. Remember that next time you try to eat something of mine. This is what happens to bad wolves. Come on! Think results here will ya? Never mind. Come on we need to go see somebody. Come on, come on we gotta go see somebody. Move over, move over.

[stable]

Ray: Yo! Manure man!

Caleb: Leave me alone.

Ray: Look I just came to apologize. I should never have said you were nuts. You obviously do this for a very good reason and you probably make a pretty good living at it too.

Caleb: You're not thinking of doing this yourself.

Ray: You man scooping? I have no immediate plans.

Caleb: An excellent living.

Ray: Really.

Caleb: I collect and sell it for fertilizer.

Ray: So you must know your

Caleb: Like nobody else.

Ray: So where do you find it all.

Caleb: Stables, pony rides. But they're not my biggest source.

Ray: Meat packing plants.

Caleb: The mother load.

Ray: Let me ask you a question. Have you noticed any subtle differences in the product at these various plants?

Caleb: I'll check my data base.

Ray: Great: Here's my card . give me a call and to show my appreciation, I'm gonna point out you missed something nice behind that bucket there.

Caleb: Why thank you!

[outside Fraser's window Stephanie is throwing rocks, it's 5am]

Stephanie Cabot: You don't have a phone.

Fraser: Thank you. You came all the way here to tell me that?

Stephanie Cabot: No. I got the information you asked me for.

Fraser: Ah. Ah. You want to come up? Oh. I'll be right down. We're you just in the neighborhood.

Stephanie Cabot: More or less. I go for a ride every morning.

Fraser: Are these yours?

Stephanie Cabot: I'm getting quite a collection. Most I find homes for but some are harder to give up than others.

Fraser: You said you had some information for me.

Stephanie Cabot: Yeah, I did. Hey! So my sources told me the six major meat packers had a pretty consistent purchase rate over the last several months.

Fraser: Well if they're bringing in wild horses they're being very quiet about it.

Stephanie Cabot: Wild horses?

Fraser: I think they're stealing them from protected ranges.

Stephanie Cabot: Why would someone take risks like that?

Fraser: Thousands of pounds of free horse meat at two dollars a pound.

Stephanie Cabot: Someone's making a fortune.

Fraser: Exactly. So uh, you come here often? No I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was uh it's an unusual place. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Stephanie Cabot: Race?

[outside Consulate]

Ray: You're off in thirty seconds, let's go. Okay lets' do this your way. Old Zaleb came through for us. He remembers detecting some very subtle changes in the horse manure at a particular plant. Did you want to hear which one? Do the words Barnaby Jones mean anything to you? 5 - 4 - 3 -

Fraser: No matter what you say, you cannot base an investigation on a theory developed from the casting of a television series.

Ray: You're just mad because I was right.

Fraser: No. I'm not mad, it just doesn't make any sense.

Ray: Oh, and putting horse meat on your nose does?

Fraser: Well, that was different.

Ray: You're telling me.

[outside meat packing plant]

Ray: Boy let me tell you it doesn't get any better than this. Sitting in the car with Captain Hook watching ill-fated horses swat flies off their back. Thank you very much.

Fraser: They just passed inspection. No wild horses.

Ray: Hey. My source can look at Palomino dung and tell you where they were born, alright? He wouldn't be wrong about this. They'll be here. You just keep your eyes open.

***

Fraser: Ray. Ray.

Ray: What?

Fraser: Those are wild horses. They're brought in uninspected. Their meat is mixed with a little beef then packaged and shipped of to cooperating supermarkets. Some of the horses are diseased. Can we get backup?

Ray: On a dog food case?

Fraser: Then we'll have to do it ourselves.

Ray: Do what by ourselves?

Fraser: Dief. Stay.

Ray: Where you going?

[inside the plant, behind a cart]

Ray: So what's the plan? We take some pictures, I.D. the bad guys and hand out sopenas. Right?

Fraser: Or something.

Ray: there must be thirty guys.

Fraser: Tide always goes out, Ray.

Ray: Yeah and I always get sucked right out with it.

[cart is moved]

Fraser: Good evening.

Bad guy: Hold it.

Fraser: Better run.

Bad guy: Come on.

Ray: What was I so worked up about?

Bad guy: Come on. Lets go come on. There they are. Joe. Greg. Come over here.

[The boys try to escape and all exits are guarded. The end up in the freezer]

Fraser: No! No!

Ray: Lock it. Lock it.

Bad guy: We got em. Get Legget on the horn.

***

Fraser: Well, it's a dry cold.

Ray: How many do you think are still out there.

Fraser: I'd say all thirty.

Ray: and what are they waiting for?

Fraser: The mob can't change directions without a leader Ray.

Ray: ah the hell with it. We're breaking out of here.

Fraser: No I don't think that's -- Ray. That door is galvanized steel and I just --

Ray: We're dead, right?

Fraser: Not yet. We've been in here 19 and a half minutes. The temperature is sub zero and dropping rapidly. I'd say we have roughly 37 minutes.

Ray: Oh great. I'll just relax cause I'm sure they'll come shoot us before then.

Fraser: You know Ray, the Inuit have ways of dealing with extreme conditions. Ruling out cannibalism, we have two options.

Ray: I can't wait to hear this.

Fraser: The first is close body contact. We hug each other tightly, exchanging body heat. That should give us ten minutes.

***

Ray: Some people die in their sleep. Others die making love to a beautiful woman. I am going to die wrapped in meat.

Fraser: Don't talk, Ray. You're expending body heat.

Ray: I'm going to freeze to death inside My Friend Flicka.

***

Ray: Fraser:

Fraser: Yes Ray?[looks over at Ray] Ah. Oh.

[outside of plant]

Legget: This better be real important.

Meat packer: We got a cop and a Mountie in the freezer.

Legget: Hey that's what I love about the meat business. Brings something new everyday. What are you doing here Petit?

Meat packer: He's refusing to pick up his shipment.

Petit: I have a chain of stores to worry about. I don't need this.

Legget: Un huh. But everybody needs a barrel of cash, don't they Norm? [all of em go to the freezer] How long they been in there?

Meat packer: Over an hour and a half.

Legget: Oh they're dead. Shoot em anyway and get them out of here. You got a problem Norm?

Petit: Sick kids, dead Mounties? Yeah, yeah, I'd say I've go a problem.

Legget: You want out Norm?

Petit: Yeah.

Legget: Well why not. Plenty more supermarkets out there.

Petit: Thanks Vince.

Legget: Okay, you got it. [bad guy clubs Petit] I do love this business. Give him and those copcycles a ride on the conveyor. And how about doing some work around here.

Meat packer: God. I have this dream about dying wrapped in frozen meat. Shoot them!

[freezer]

Ray: They shot me!

Fraser: The bullet couldn't penetrate the meat.

Ray: You used me as a human shield. I can't believe you did that!

Fraser: Come on.

Ray: Hey!

Fraser: Sorry.

***

Fraser: Keep moving Ray.

Ray: Oh God. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Ugh! [Ray collapses on stairs. Fraser rushes into a fight defeating 7 guys]

***

Leggett: That's it, you are dead.

Ray: I don't think so. [Ray lowers a bone saw and cuts the barrel of Legget's rifle off]

Legget: Get this thing off of me.

Fraser: You should be nicer to animals.

[Fraser's apartment building]

Fraser: Well, that's the last of it.

Mrs. Gamez: Let me take it.

Fraser: No, no, no. I've got it.

Mrs. Gamez: I want to thank you again for making this possible.

Stephanie Cabot: It was no trouble.

Mrs. Gamez: And I really want to thank him for everything he has done. In fact, I want to give him a *big* hug, but I'm afraid I will wrinkle him.

Stephanie Cabot: I know what you mean.

***

Fraser: Alright, I put the photographs on the mantle.

Dennis: Nice job. Now don't forget it's four-hundred-twenty-five dollars at the beginning of the month.

Fraser: Didn't you say three-seventy-five?

Dennis: Well yeah. I was adding on for the utilities.

Fraser: Oh - I thought you said that the utilities were included.

Dennis: Yeah. I had to rent to a Mountie.

***

Mrs. Gomez: I am sorry, I just can't help myself. Thank you. Thank you for my children.

Fraser: No, no. you don't have to thank me.

***

Mario: He used you as a human shield?

Ray: Yeah, and there was just two inches of frozen pinto between me and a bullet.

Mario: WOW! Then what happen?

Fraser: Ray? We have to get that trailer back.

Mario: I only wish I could hear more about your adventures as a police officer.

Ray: Well, I'd like that too. Good luck with your new apartment Mrs. Gomez.

Mrs. Gomez: Thank you.

Ray: And Mario, you stay in school.

***

Fraser: Thanks. I think you really made his day.

Lopez: It's okay, he actually was interesting.

Fraser: Really? Hm. Well uh, goodbye.

***

Stephanie Cabot: I'm going riding tomorrow, you up for it?

Fraser: You mean to discuss your testimony?

Stephanie Cabot: Yeah.

Fraser: Yeah. Yeah I'd love to.

Stephanie Cabot: Great!

Fraser: Goodbye.

***

Ray: I still don't believe you did that.

Fraser: It was perfectly safe, Ray.

Ray: Oh yeah, what? Did you practice this on your last partner, Billy 'Swiss Cheese' McCallister?

Fraser: Granted, it was an unusual tactic, but I got the notion from a young cadet who lashed a caribou to his chest. Unfortunately, it was unrelated to police work.

End