[27th district]

[Hallett and Brandau walk Siracusa in]

Hallett: Hallett. Internal Affairs. Open the cage.

[Welsh, in his office doorway, nods permission to Huey]

Huey: This is the guy.

Hallett: Yeah, doesn't look like much, does he? Gonna cost ya all your jobs.

Brandau: All right, people, find a spot, stand in it, and listen up. My name is Brandau, State's Attorney's office. This is Detective Hallett, Internal Affairs. I'm sure you all recognise these as court documents. They are the product of two months' background investigation, and they authorise me to conduct a probe into allegations of corruption concerning this district. We will be at this for as long as it takes, so go about your business. But if we call, you drop everything and come running. Bear in mind, no-one is outside our interest and no-one is above suspicion. Any questions? No? Good.

[Welsh finishes drinking his coffee and walks past him]

Brandau: You still a lieutenant, Harding?

Welsh: You still a jerk?

Brandau: What a funny guy. But I think you'd be even funnier sitting in the State Penitentiary. So where is he?

Welsh: He's a cop. He's out working, he's not wasting people's time like you.

Brandau: He's not going to show up?

Welsh: Oh, don't worry, he'll show.

Brandau: Oh, I- I'm not worried, Lieutenant. But if I were you I'd be worried. 'Cause it could be one hell of a dark day, and not just on account of the eclipse. If Vecchio doesn't show up by the end of his shift... you're in for a rocky ride.

***

[Ray's apartment.]

[Ray's in the kitchen, making a hot chocolate]

Radio: And coming up later today, a solar eclipse. And remember, kids, it's perfectly safe to look at the sun. No matter what anyone else has told you, the sun's rays are completely harmless. No, no. [laughs] Just kidding! Keep your head, keep your eyes closed. Now let's have a listen to Crowbar with "Blast from the Past".

[Ray counts out six smarties into his chocolate, then eats the rest.]

[phone rings; answerphone gets it as Ray stirs his chocolate with the handle of a wooden spoon]

Welsh: This is Welsh. We need you in here, Detective, now.

[Ray hits phone with wooden spoon]

[in another room; Ray spins gun]

[phone rings]

Welsh: I don't see you in here, Vecchio. You'd better be on your way.

[Ray packs bag with radio, tape deck, canteen, torch, listening equipment, other stuff; adds binoculars and a bottle of scotch at bench]

[phone rings]

Welsh: Vechhio, where the hell are you? That is of course I'm assuming you still want to work at this station. We got urgent matters here need your attention, Detective. Serious stuff. Get your butt in here now.

Ray: [slings bag on shoulder] Not today, Welsh. [leaves apartment as camera zooms in on a red-circled notice in the newspaper]

***

[27th district]

Welsh: This whole thing began with this con that they have in the holding cell called Siracusa. Apparently he had a sit down with one of the reps from the State's Attorney, tried to cut himself a deal for an early release. He said that our whole station was bent, taking in drugs with the arrest, skimming off the top. How'd he come across this information, they ask? He said he used to be a stoolie for one of the dirty cops, a detective. Which detective, they ask? He points the finger at Ray Vecchio.

Fraser: [carrying a cabbage in one hand and a trout in a bag in the other] Ray Vecchio is not corrupt, sir.

Welsh: Oh yeah. You know that and I know that, but between them all, IAD doesn't have a half a brain. In here, please.

[a storage cupboard; sign above the door says "Maintenance"]

Welsh: Now on top of that, Brandau and I have this thing. [turns on light] We been going at each other on and off for about twenty years. Now any excuse he gets he's gonna jump on, and he'll start digging. Now I know this station is clean, but there're always loose ends. If Vecchio doesn't show, this district will have its collective arse in the slink.

Fraser: So you need Ray Vecchio.

Welsh: By end of shift. Five o'clock.

Fraser: Which one, sir?

Welsh: Which one what?

Fraser: Which Ray Vecchio? The detective formerly known as Ray Vecchio, or the current detective known as the former Ray Vecchio?

[door opens and a cop steps in]

Welsh: What?

Cop: I'm looking for toilet paper.

Welsh: [hands him newspaper] Here. Scram.

[cop leaves]

Welsh: I can't go in there and tell them that Ray Vecchio is undercover on another operation, and that this guy at the desk is not the real Ray Vecchio. If I do, these morons will have it on the six o'clock news, and the real Ray Vecchio will end up the dead body leading off at eleven. See? The only way to handle this is we gotta bluff it out. You look for the new guy, and I'll stall.

Fraser: Understood.

Welsh: All right.

[they leave; Fraser turns off the light]

Elaine: Hi, Fraser! What's with the cabbage?

Fraser: Party supplies.

Elaine: For the eclipse?

Fraser: Ah, no, actually. It's Detective Vecchio's birthday.

Welsh: Fraser, it's not the new guy's birthday.

Fraser: Well, yes, but the former Ray Vecchio always had a party. If we wish to maintain his cover it follows that the current Ray Vecchio should have a party as well.

Elaine: And we use the fish for...?

Fraser: For the games. Bobbing for trout. You see, I- I've organised a traditional Yukon celebration in his honour.

Welsh: Couldn't we just bob for apples?

Fraser: They're not very plentiful in the Yukon.

Welsh: It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. [leaves]

Elaine: Is that a traditional Inuit game?

Fraser: No, the locals favour something called "Twister".

Elaine: I'll... take the fish.

Fraser: Ah. Thank you kindly. [she walks off, leaving him with the cabbage] Oh, uh... Well.

***

[cemetery]

Ray: Morning. I'd like to get into that crypt.

Caretaker: [on motorised cart] Can't be done.

Ray: Why not?

Caretaker: For one thing, you're still breathing.

Ray: Ten bucks.

Caretaker: Do I look like a man who will take a bribe of money?

Ray: [sits beside him on cart] Ile of Moll, sixteen-year-old single malt scotch.

Caretaker: I'll get the key.

***

[apartment building]

Landlady: He okay in houses? [meaning Diefenbaker]

Fraser: Scrupulous.

Landlady: Good. [to cleaner] Well, don't just move the dirt around! [to Fraser] Very mysterious man, this friend of yours.

Fraser: In what sense, ma'am?

Landlady: He clomps.

Fraser: Clomps?

Landlady: In rhythm. [lets them into apartment number 309] Well, most tenants I get to know. But him? Very secretive. And I wouldn't know about the clomping except that I live right below him. You know I'll be fixing my hair or something and I'll hear this, uh... Well, it's not really like clomping actually, it's more like he's shuffling or something.

[She's now sitting in a chair; Fraser's looking at a black and white photo of a man and woman]

Diefenbaker: [yips -- he's turned over a rug to show footsteps painted on the floor]

Fraser: Dancing, possibly?

Landlady. There y'are, yeah. Huh. And he's real light on his feet. I can get hypnotised and just sit there for an hour easy.

***

[crypt]

[Ray's whistling "Blast from the Past" as he sets up equipment; mice are squeaking; he glances around a bit then goes over to a grate and looks out of it with his binoculars at a newly-dug grave]

***

[Ray's apartment]

[Fraser's looking at the newspaper: "Chicago Guardian, Monday..." and "ELLERY" visible]

Landlady: So what's your story? You work in a circus?

Fraser: Uh, no, ma'am, Royal Canadian Mounted police. I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father, and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture I've remained, attached as liaison with the Canadian Consulate.

Landlady: [after long pause] Don't take anything

Fraser: Understood.

***

[crypt]

[caretaker pops up head as Ray looks out of grate]

Ray: Aargh! Jesus, you scared me to death.

Caretaker: This thing doesn't work.

Ray: What do you mean it doesn't work? It's just a bottle, it doesn't work or not work.

Caretaker: If nothing comes out of it, what is it?

Ray: It's empty.

Caretaker: But it isn't empty, so it must be broken.

Ray: If it was broken it'd be empty.

Caretaker: Exactly. So it's not working.

Ray: [takes out pocketknife and smashes top off bottle] There. Now it's broken and it's working.

Caretaker: Good man.

***

[Welsh's office]

Brandau: That's nice. That's so nice. It's so nice to see the IRS taking an interest in you the same time we are.

Welsh: Yes. Nice to see you guys take the word of a career scumball over mine.

Hallett: Mister Siracusa has nothing to gain by his allegations. Why would he make them up?

Welsh: Come on, Hallett! Think I don't know he's up for release? Think I don't know Brandau here's been waiting to nail me for most of his adult life? Look, you guys knock yourselves out, I got a station to run.

[Welsh leaves office and walks into a melee of cops and waiters]

Welsh: Hey-hey-hey! Anybody wants to get their head cracked, keep talking. [to Huey] Who're the penguins?

Huey: The graduating class of the Grenville School of Deportment and Domestic Service. Apparently they were setting a table when a rumble broke out over the correct placement of a spoon.

Welsh: Book 'em. [to Elaine] Fraser check in yet?

Elaine: No.

Welsh: Right, give Ray another shot.

Hallet: [from office doorway] Bez... Bess.... Besbriss!

Elaine: One month before I get to become a real cop and this happens.

Welsh: Be straight. You have nothing to hide.

***

[crypt]

[mice squeak again; Ray looks around, his gun at the ready]

Ray: Don't move. [pulls gun on Fraser]

Fraser: Hi, Ray. [Ray lowers gun] So we're on a stakeout. That's good. Who's the target?

Ray: None of your business.

Fraser: Ah. Secrecy. That's very wise. You know, it reminds me of a time I spent near Skull Rapids. I was holed up in the carcass of a caribou for almost seventy-two hours, and you know, to this day I have no idea who we were actually waiting for. But I can tell you that after seventy-two hours, the smell of a caribou carcass... is almost hallucinogenic.

Ray: Are you unhinged?

Fraser: Not that I'm aware of.

Ray: Hey, how did you find me?

Fraser: Well, you'd circled an obituary notice in a newspaper that was lying on a counter in your apartment.

Ray: Wait a minute, wait a minute. You broke into my apartment?

Fraser: Well, no. That would be illegal. Your landlady simply let me in. She's very fond of you, by the way.

Ray: You invade my castle, you track me down, you almost get your head shot off. You wanna tell me why?

Fraser: Well, two reasons. First, I bought you a present.

Ray: For what?

Fraser: For your birthday.

Ray: It's not my birthday.

Fraser: Yes, it is.

Ray: No, it's not.

Fraser: Well, I think you're wrong about that. You see, Ray Vecchio was born--

Ray: Hey-hey, let's just drop that, okay, Fraser? You and I both know I'm not Ray Vecchio.

Fraser: You're not?

Ray: No.

Fraser: You're sure about that?

Ray: I don't even look like him.

Fraser: Well, you could have had plastic surgery.

Ray: You are unhinged.

Fraser: You think?

Ray: Yes, I think. Look, I'm not Ray. I mean, I am Ray, but I'm not Ray Vecchio. I'm... Kowalski. Stanley Raymond Kowalski.

Fraser: Your name is Stanley Kowalski?

Ray: Look, my Dad had a thing for Brando. Me, it was always Steve McQueen. So I go by Ray.

Fraser: Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Ray Kowalski.

[they shake hands]

***

[27th district]

Huey: Come on.

Waiter: Yes, sir.

Huey: Get your butts over here.

Waiter: Sir.

Huey: Enough with the good manners.

Waiter: As you wish, sir.

Huey: I said, enough.

Waiters: Yes, sir.

***

[Welsh's office]

Hallett: Is this your phone log?

Elaine: Yeah.

Hallett: Why all the calls to Vecchio?

Elaine: Maintaining contact with the detectives is part of what I do.

Brandau: Not after you've clocked out, it isn't. You got a dozen calls there after your shift.

Elaine: It's not a nine to five job.

Hallett: What does "China white" mean to you?

Elaine: Nothing.

Brandau: Try again!

Elaine: Dishes.

Hallett: Drop the attitude, Besbriss.

Brandau: You know it's heroin. You were in on it, weren't you?

Elaine: I don't know what you guys are talking about.

Hallett: Missing drugs.

Brandau: Besbriss. You wanna be a cop? Give me Vecchio and give me Welsh. Most importantly Welsh. Then you just might get to be a cop. Otherwise, who knows what might happen?

***

[crypt]

Fraser: People are counting on you, Ray. They could lose their jobs.

Ray: Look, Fraser, let's get this thing straight. You want me to sit in front of a bunch of guys who are going to grill me about corruption that never happened, but if it did happen it happened to another guy, but I'd have to answer for it anyway?

Fraser: Yes.

Ray: Forget it.

Fraser: If you don't, Ray, you will lose your shield.

Ray: Look, Fraser, I've humped this job for a long time. Bad hours, bad food and bad guys. And for what?

Fraser: For the pride and honour of knowing that we make it possible for good people to tuck their kids in at night, turn out the lights and know they'll be safe.

Ray: You gotta be kidding me.

Fraser: No, I'm not.

Ray: You believe all that?

Fraser: Yes, I do.

Ray: You never doubt it?

Fraser: Never.

Ray: You're a lucky guy, Fraser. Me, I never wanted to be a cop in the first place. I always wanted to be something else.

Fraser: Why didn't you become something else?

Ray: That is the reason I'm here today.

Fraser: Do you mind if I ask you what that reason is?

Ray: [looking out window] Do you mind if I ask you what your wolf is doing?

[Diefenbaker is carrying flowers over to the grave of a dog]

Fraser: I've no idea. Although in his youth, Diefenbaker did display a keen interest in horticulture.

Ray: You know, Fraser, when they offered me this assignment, they made it sound kind of normal. They say, "Hey, Ray, here's a chance to start over. Ditch the past." "What's the catch?" I say. "Oh, your partner's Canadian." Canadian? I got nothing against Canadians, except for the time when they won the World Series.

Fraser: Two times.

Ray: Which I'm willing to overlook.

Fraser: Thank you.

Ray: But at no time did they say, "Oh, by the way, you'll be working with a Mountie who's got a wolf that's a florist." [notices something out window and hands his glasses to Fraser] Hold these, will you? Oh, that's good.

Fraser: Is this the target of the stakeout?

Ray: Nah, just something's queer. Let's check it out.

***

[at dog's grave, Dief's barking]

***

[two men at hearse. The credits give them names but I don't know which is which, so I'm randomly calling the younger one "Bert" and the older one "Rico"]

Bert: [checking bag of money] It's all there?

Rico: Uh huh.

Ray: [fake sobbing] Mom. Mom.

Bert: What?

Ray: That's my mom in there.

Bert: No, it's not.

Ray: Yeah, it is. [hugs Bert]

Bert: No, it's not. You're confused with, uh...

Rico: Grief.

Bert: Yeah, see, that ain't your mother, that's, uh, Mister...

Rico: Smith.

Bert: Smith.

Rico: John Smith.

Ray: No, that's my Mom. Mom, I'm so sorry. Just wanted to see your face one last time. [opens coffin]

Bert: Hey, you can't do that!

Ray: Mom, how you've changed. Into Cuban cigars.

Bert: [pulls gun on him] That's it. That's enough. Out of the car. Easy. That's it. That's it. Easy. Easy.

Fraser: Gentlemen. My name is Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Ray: Pull out your gun.

Fraser: I don't have a gun.

Rico: You don't got no gun?

Fraser: No, but if you'd be so kind as to step to one side, the detective will read you your Miranda rights. I assume that weaponry you're holding is illegal.

Bert: Does a bear shop in the forest?

Fraser: In my experience bears don't shop.

Bert: Hey, wise guy, step out of the way.

Diefenbaker: [woofs -- running towards them]

Fraser: Run.

[they run]

Ray: You don't have a gun?

Fraser: Well, obviously you weren't fully briefed. [gunfire] I'm not licensed to carry a firearm.

Ray: And you didn't bother telling me before?

Fraser: Well, it didn't seem germane at the time.

[they shelter behind a gravestone]

Ray: What the hell kinda word is that?

Fraser: I'll be right back. [leaving hat behind, somersaults out from behind gravestone, grabs something from the ground, and dashes back]

Fraser: It's your birthday present. I dropped it.

Ray: Are you a freak? [stands, shoots 3 times and hits a tree]

Fraser: It's a dreamcatcher. I made it myself. You see, you hang it in your window, it catches all your bad dreams, you sleep well at night.

[Ray shoots 4 times and hits a statue madonna]

Fraser: These are eagle feathers.

Ray: Fraser, when they shoot us I'll be glad I knew that. Come on, let's go.

Fraser: [as they're running under fire] You'd be surprised at how difficult it is to acquire an eagle feather. First of all you have to apply to the National Eagle Repository in Commerce City, Colorado.

[Ray shoots once more, and then again. This makes nine.]

Fraser: And then, you just have to hope that someone finds a dead eagle in the woods... and that they have the presence of mind to put it on ice and then courier it to Commerce City.

Ray: Really?

Fraser: Yeah.

Ray: Go.

Fraser: Go. And then basically you just wait, and you hope that no shaman or tribal elder needs an eagle feather in some sort of sacred ritual, which of course would take precedence over your relatively minor desire to use the feather in a gift for your partner.

Ray: How many rounds have I fired?

Fraser: By my count seven.

Ray: Duck.

[shelter behind another gravestone]

Ray: We're sunk. I left all my clips in the crypt. Only got two rounds left.

Fraser: You know I don't mean to be critical, but you might want to consider some remedial practice on the target range. Your aim is appalling.

Ray: Hey, I'm a good shot.

Fraser: By what criteria? You fired seven rounds, you haven't been within fifty metres of your target.

Ray: I'm a good shot, I just need my glasses. I also left them in the tomb.

Fraser: No, you didn't. I have them right here. [hands him glasses]

Ray: Why didn't you tell me you had them?

Fraser: Well, I didn't realise you were blind.

Ray: I'm not blind, I just don't see all that good.

Fraser: Alright we've got a bit of time, so just to finish this off: if you happen to pass all of these hurdles, you might be one of the few, the lucky few, as I was, to have this precious symbol of freedom delivered right to this door.

Ray: What are you talking about?

Fraser: The eagle feather.

[gunfire]

Ray: You are a freak. [stands and shoots guns out of bad guys' hands with his tenth and eleventh shots] Down! Down! Hands.

Fraser: That's good work, Ray. Now we'll have to return to the station for processing.

Ray: You have the right to remain silent.

Fraser: Ray, we have to return to the station for processing.

Ray: I am not doing that, Fraser. Anything you say may be held against you.

Fraser: Ray, standard operating procedure, field manual chapter seven.

Ray: You have the right to an attorney.

Fraser: The arresting officer--

Ray: If you cannot afford an attorney, the court will assign one to you.

Fraser: --shall transfer the suspect to the nearest station house for processing--

Ray: Do you understand these rights?

Fraser: --with dispatch.

Ray: Do you understand these rights?

Fraser: With dispatch.

Ray: You like procedure so much, you take 'em in.

Fraser: I'm not the arresting officer.

Ray: Look, Fraser, get something through your head. Keep a shield, lose a shield, I don't really care. I am not leaving this graveyard until I finish what I came here to do, take down a bent nail named Marcus Ellery. Until I do that I'm not leaving. Period. Dot it, file it, stick it in a box marked done. Okay? [turns to bad guys] Come on, get up!

***

[Welsh's office]

Hallet: Tell us about Alcorn Street.

Huey: That was a stand-up bust.

Hallett: Oh yeah!

Huey: Yeah. Took down a couple of real dirtbags, Ray risked his life to save a child. Yeah, it was a great day for cops.

Brandau: No kidding, you scored a big bag of China White.

Huey: What are you talking 'scored'? We seized a shipment of heroin.

Brandau: You seized ten kilos of heroin, by the time it was signed at evidence control there was only one.

Huey: That's crap.

Hallett: Hey, we'll tell you when we're done.

Huey: I don't have to take this.

Hallett: Sit down.

Brandau: Look, you got a fine record, Detective. Could be you were just taking orders. Right? You give me Welsh, you give me Welsh and then maybe I can help you out.

***

[crypt]

Ray: In the seventies Ellery went on a tear, string of armed robberies from Illinois to Texas. Take anything with cash, jewelry, armoured trucks, banks. He did one bank right in my neighbourhood. Ten years ago he's convicted of a heist outside El Paso. On route to the State Pen, he escaped. After that, went off the grid. It's his mother they're burying today.

Fraser: You think he'll attend.

Bert: It's his mother, he'll show.

Ray: Who asked you?

Rico: Don't get so miffed, he's just trying to help.

Ray: I don't need your help.

Bert: Fine. But I detect a hole in your plan.

Ray: Yeah?

Bert: Yeah. Assuming Ellery shows, which I agree he will, what you going to do? Statute of limitations has runned out on the guy.

Fraser: You know, he's right.

Ray: Whose side are you on?

Fraser: I didn't realise there were sides.

Ray: Look, Fraser, there's always sides. There's bad guys and there's everybody else. Marcus Ellery, bad guy.

Bert: That may be, but you have no grounds to arrest him.

Ray: Look, this is not official business, so shut up! It's personal.

Fraser: You know, Ray, Francis Bacon once wrote that revenge is a wild kind of justice, which the more man's nature runs to, the more ought law to weed it out.

Ray: Did Francis Bacon ever meet up with Marcus Ellery?

Fraser: It's unlikely; Bacon died in 1626.

Ray: Well, there you go. If he had he would have whistled a different tune

Rico: A wild kinda justice. Yeah, I like that.

***

[Welsh's office]

Huey: How many times have I got to tell you? We only seized one kilo.

Hallett: Not according to the evidence log. What's this?

Huey: It's my name.

Hallett: Yeah, and this?

Huey: My signature.

Hallett: Thank you, Detective. Detective.

Huey: It was one. Ray will back me up.

Brandau: Well, he's not even bothered to show up, has he? He's left you to take the fall. Huh? What does that tell you?

Hallett: Think about it.

***

[crypt]

Rico: This guy Bacon. Does he got any books out?

Fraser: Yes, actually. The Advancement of Learning, uh, Novum Organum, and an incomplete and very fascinating work called Instauratio Magna.

Rico: I gotta check into that.

Bert: What is wrong with you, man?

Rico: Look, if we don't get off on a technicality, we're looking at fifteen to twenty-two years. I could put that time to good use.

Ray: Shut up.

[gunfire]

Ray: Gun.

Bert: (something derogatory that my entire family of seven couldn't understand)

***

[outside]

[Fraser jumps on shooter, who turns out to be an old lady]

Fraser: Oh dear.

Ray: Who the hell are you?

Gladys: Gladys Carls.

Fraser: I'm terribly sorry, ma'am, we thought you were a desperate criminal. Did I hurt you?

Gladys: No. It is a bit stiff, though.

Fraser: What is, ma'am?

Gladys: My leg.

Fraser: Ah yes. Let me help you up.

Gladys: Oh, thank you, my hat. There we are. Oh. I'm-- I'm just visiting my husband.

Ray: What, you hate the guy so much you fire six shots into him even after he's dead?

Gladys: Hate him? Good Lord, no, I loved him dearly. I'm just executing part of his will.

Ray: What, he's like a masochist or something?

Gladys: Oh, well, we tried that sometimes, but he hated pain. No. No he was acorophobic.

Ray: Ah, he's afraid of acrobats.

Fraser: No, no, insects.

Gladys: Exactly. You see, Henry was of the belief that, uh, lead would discourage insects from feasting off him. So I uh shoot a little in now and then to keep them away. I don't know if it works but it makes me feel better.

[Ray puts gun away]

Fraser: I understand.

Ray: You understand.

Fraser: Ma'am, I'm afraid we'll have to check your firearms certificate.

Gladys: Oh, by all means.

Fraser: Thank you kindly.

Ray: Freak.

***

[27th district]

Welsh: He's not here in an hour we're all going to be looking for new jobs on the back of matchbooks.

***

[crypt]

Ray: May I ask you something? Do you find me attractive?

Bert: Oh, I wouldn't say attractive.

Rico: No, cute maybe.

Gladys: I'd say well-favoured.

Ray: Did I ask you?

Bert: Sorry, I thought you were asking all of us.

Ray: Well, I wasn't, so zip. [to Fraser] Well? D'you find me attractive?

Fraser: In what sense?

Ray: In the sense of... you know, being a woman.

Fraser: Do I think you're an attractive woman?

Ray: No. No. I'm not the woman. You're the woman.

Fraser: I'm the woman.

Gladys: No, I'm the woman.

Ray: But up.

Bert: Well, she is.

Ray: Well, I know she's a woman, I'm asking Fraser to pretend that he's a woman. Okay?

Gladys: Oh. Can you do that, dear?

Fraser: Well, I have done that, yes.

Rico: So have I. It was rather fun. Heh heh.

Ray: Look, you three zip, and you, you pretend you're a woman, okay? You find me attractive?

Fraser: Very much so, yes.

Ray: You're not just saying that?

Fraser: Well, I'm not really qualified to judge, Ray.

[Ray laughs]

Gladys: And what's funny about that? He isn't.

Ray: I just... Sounds like something my wife would say.

Fraser: I didn't realise you were married.

Ray: I was, not anymore.

Rico: That is so sad.

Ray: Well, yes, you know. Two careers, she worked at States Attorneys' office, it just didn't work out.

Bert: You know the break up tone of voice. They say, "Hey, it's no big deal." Tone of voice you know.

Rico: He would know, his wife left him. He was a broken window. Glass everywhere.

Gladys: What about you, dear? Are you married?

Fraser: No, ma'am, I'm not. But I am acquainted with loss, and on occasion loneliness.

Gladys: Ah yes. Loneliness, hm? It may sound silly, but I wonder how the sun will feel today when it's blocked out by the moon.

Fraser: Yes. It does seem sometimes that the border between life and death is very poorly guarded.

Gladys: Hmm.

Rico: Yeah, and if you're carrying the wrong passport, you end up in a little drawer in one of these places.

Bert: What I'm thinking is, who the hell has all the passports? I mean, I wouldn't be here if I had all the passports, you know?

Fraser: Or would you? That's the question, isn't it?

Ray: Right. Right. Like you can't go forward until you go backward. Like I tried to run away from my past, but you can't do it, cause it's in your skin, it stays with you. You gotta retrace your steps to figure out how you got here. I took this bus, I drove this car, I got on this train, I walked down this street, I turned this corner, I opened this door, and I stepped into a bank.

***

[bank]

Ray: I was thirteen and she was a Gold Coast girl. Private school. She was untouchable, but I was working it. I was lying like a maniac. I was John Lennon, James Bond, Joe Namath, all rolled into one.

[Young Ray and Stella at counter]

Young Stella: [whispers to Ray] I think that man has a gun.

Young Ray: Gun!

Ellery: [very distorted, nightmarish voice] Down on the floor, now. Now! You, little girl, get over here. Get over here! [Stella goes] Kid. Fill that bag up with money. Get up, fill it up. Get up. Get up. Now.

[Young Ray gets up]

Ellery: Turn around! Turn around. [Young Ray turns, and Ellery laughs] Look. The kid messed himself.

[Stella struggles, breaks free and runs away]

Young Ray: Stella!

Ray: Stella.

***

[crypt]

Ray: Stella.

Bert: So. Did you get the girl?

Ray: Yeah. I got the girl.

Gladys: Ahh.

Ray: That was Stella, my wife.

Rico: She married you even after... you know, what you done?

Ray: Yeah, but that's not the point. The point is, I mean, my whole life, it all starts and ends with this one guy. I'm like one of those, um.... whatchamacallem? Uh, knights looking for the Holy Grill.

Fraser: Grail.

Ray: What?

Fraser: Holy Grail.

Ray: You sure?

Fraser: I'm pretty sure it's not a diner.

Ray: Grill, grail, whatever. I'm just trying to settle an old debt.

[door opens]

Caretaker: [staggering in] Okay. Number one. This is either empty, broken, or not working. And. Number two. They're here. [falls down]

Gladys: Oh, Tom, dear!

[Ray looks out of window and sees funeral procession arriving]

***

Diefenbaker: [howls]

Gladys: Is your wolf all right?

Fraser: I think he's grieving. His breed is uncommonly sensitive. They feel sorrow profoundly.

Ray: He didn't show up.

Bert: What kind of guy doesn't show to his own mother's funeral? I mean, we're low-life, man, but that, that's a new standard.

Caretaker: [on Gladys' lap, stirs and mumbles]

Gladys: Hush, Tom, dear, shh, go back to sleep. Shh.

Fraser: You know, Ray, I'm pretty sure he'll come. We have time.

***

[27th district]

Huey: Running out of time.

Elaine: He's been in there for thirty-seven minutes.

[in office]

Hallett: This was on your watch, Lieutenant.

Welsh: I stand by my detectives.

Hallett: Ten kilos down to one, we're talking big-time felony charges.

Welsh: I stand by my detectives.

Brandau: You were a clown twenty years ago and you're still a clown, Welsh. You pushed me aside every chance you got and when that wasn't enough you put my brother in jail. My brother! I'm gonna tell you something. Nothing's going to give me more pleasure than taking you and this whole stinking district down. You got me?

***

[graveyard]

[Fraser seeing Gladys off in a taxi, and Bert and Rico off in a police car]

***

[crypt]

Ray: I lied, you know.

Fraser: You did?

Ray: Yeah. About Stella, to Stella. I was in the bank, she thought I humiliated myself on purpose, to stall for time so she could get away. I never told her any different. She thought I was a hero. I played along. Whole marriage based on a lie. I was a con job then and I'm a con job now.

Fraser: You know, Ray, in my limited experience with the subject, I've found that very few lifelong bonds are formed based on whether one partner or the other urinated in their clothing. And I'm willing to gamble -- not with money mind you -- but I am willing to gamble that Stella looked beyond that one incident and saw the whole person.

Ray: What do you mean?

Fraser: In December 1988 a young boy was being held in a warehouse. You went in even though you knew your cover had been blown. You drew fire, you were wounded, yet you managed to rescue the boy. Your first citation. In December 1990, in a jewelry store you singlehandedly held off three gunmen, saving four innocent lives. Your second citation. In September1993 you faced down three escaped murderers and you brought them to justice. Your third citation. You're a good policeman, Ray. And I would be proud to call you my partner... and my friend.

Ray: What was that last part?

Fraser: Friend.

Ray: Lend me some money?

Fraser: Money and friends don't mix, Ray. Let's go to work.

***

[outside]

Diefenbaker: [greets them with a growl and a woof]

Ray: How'd you know all that stuff about my background?

Fraser: Well, I had your fingerprints, I went through your files.

Ray: You're a real noseyparker, aren't you?

Fraser: I think it's prudent to know the mettle of the man you work with.

Ray: [laughs] Prudent. Is that like germane?

Diefenbaker: [woofs]

Ray: You think this thing would fly?

Fraser: Well, it's not a frisbee, Ray, it's a dreamcatcher. It tangles up bad dreams.

Ray: But do you think it'd fly?

Fraser: There's only one way to find out.

[Ray dumps bag and throws dreamcatcher like a frisbee. It flies. Quite a distance -- it ends up getting caught by Ellery at an open grave.]

[After a bit of searching for the dreamcatcher, Ray sees Ellery; runs and jumps on top of him. Ellery's of a large build and it takes quite some time and grunting for this action to knock him down, into the grave]

Ellery: Geez. Oof. Aw. Hey, man, whatever you want, my money, my wallet, it's yours.

Ray: [pulls gun on him, after a bit of manoeuvring, cause they're squashed in there] You remember me? Oh yeah, you remember. Little kid in the bank. 1974. Oh yeah, you remember. Kid wet himself. Tell me you remember.

Ellery: Hey, what the hell's happening?

[bad eclipse graphics are happening]

Ray: It's an eclipse. I don't believe this. You don't remember me.

Ellery: Hey, kid. I've robbed a lot of banks, and I've spent a lot of time in jail. I don't have much of a memory about anything.

Ray: I spent my entire life looking for you! Looking for some payback, some revenge, maybe even... kill you, and... now I get you face to face, and... I can't even see your face.

Ellery: Hey, you do what you gotta do, man. I just came here to say goodbye to my mother.

Ray: Ah. Mother. Huh. Okay. You can go now.

Ellery: You're letting me go?

Ray: Yeah. Thanks.

Ellery: For what?

Ray: For making me what I am. A cop.

[more bad eclipse graphics -- the sun's starting to come out]

Fraser: Ray? [bumps into gravestone] I'm terribly sorry. Pardon me. Ray? [bumps into another one] Argh.

[sun comes out; Ray's lying alone in the grave]

Ray: He overpowered me. Ran away.

Fraser: Are you all right?

Ray: I'm good. [throws dreamcatcher out]

Fraser: Well, we really should, uh....

Ray: Face the music.

[Fraser helps him out, and falls in himself as Ray walks away]

Fraser: Ray. Ray?

Diefenbaker: Hrr.

Fraser: Give me a paw, Dief.

***

[27th district]

Welsh: He's gonna show. He'll show.

[Fraser and Ray march in, past many onlookers. Ray goes into Welsh's office, with a thumbed-nose-salute to Welsh]

***

[Welsh's office]

Hallett: Ten kilos! Street-grade heroin. Down to one kilo. Where'd it go?

Ray: You tell me.

Hallett: You a hard guy. Huh? Chicago hard guy.

Ray: Your words.

Hallett: You recognise this?

Ray: Evidence log.

Brandau: Is that your signature?

Ray: Looks like it.

Hallett: And is that a ten?

Ray: No.

Brandau: We're not playing games here, Vecchio. Unless ten years in the big house is your idea of fun!

Ray: Are you guys really bozos or you just pretend to be bozos?

Hallett: You wanna repeat that?

Ray: It's not a ten! It's a one, with a happy face. You know, happy day, bad guys off the street. Here, let me show you. What's this number?

Hallett: Three hundred and sixty.

Ray: No, it's not, it's a thirty-six... with a happy face. See? See? Do it all the time.

Brandau: You-you want us to check through all the records?

Ray: Go ahead, knock yourselves out. Or, we can cut to the chase. This whole station is shivering on the word of some apple-polisher I've never even met. Come on, put me in a line-up. Siracusa can pick me out, I'm good to go, you book me a room in the big house. If he can't, you can pack up your little circus and go home. Deal? Deal?

***

[line-up]

Brandau: Give us Vecchio.

Hallett: Come on, Siracusa.

Siracusa: Number three.

Welsh: Number three, please step forward.

[It's not Vecchio. Or Kowalski, for that matter.]

Welsh: Your brother was nothing but a criminal, and I stand by my detectives.

***

[hallway of the district]

[Welsh steps out, looks around, walks along past numerous onlookers. Then turns around and gives a thumbs-up. Everyone bursts into cheers and high fives, except for Fraser who's jubilant enough to permit himself a smile.]

***

[27th district]

[The waiters from earlier are serving; "Blast from the Past" is playing; everyone's wearing party hats; Ray has his at the nape of his neck]

Ray: So this is a traditional Yukon celebration.

Fraser: It's a fair approximation. Without the snow, of course.

Elaine: [to Welsh] You all right?

Welsh: Oh yeah. Yeah. [stares at trout in bowl]

Elaine: Gentlemen.

Ray: Huey, I don't think so.

Huey: I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. [tries to kickbox cabbage] Aaargh! [falls on his back]

Fraser: Party's going rather well, I think.

Ray: Oh yeah? You know, Fraser. [appears to step on Huey, who groans] That was weird, seeing Ellery.

Fraser: Yeah, I should imagine.

Ray: I mean, that guy dogged me my entire life, and now it's like, uh, the sky opened up or something. I dunno.

Fraser: You know, Ray, my father once told me that the sky isn't just above you, that if you look at the horizon you'll see that it actually touches the ground. So if you think about it, wherever you go you are actually walking in the sky.

Ray: You're a freak.

Fraser: Understood.

[Welsh is bobbing for trout as Elaine watches on]

Welsh: [surfacing] Ooh. It's a lot harder than it looks. [plunges back in]

***

THE END