[Fraser and Dief enter a surprisingly empty 27th precinct]

Dief: Woof, woof.

[The sound of raised voices.]

Voices: Nothing against the . . . unfair . . . when our lives are on the line . . . Our jobs must be protected

[Fraser finds the police officers -- in a labor meeting.]

Welsh: Organized labor in all it's glory. What do you think?

Fraser: It seems rather disorganized to me. I keep hearing the word "strike."

Welsh: Strike? No, no. You see, strike would be illegal. What you do is you cram fifty guys into one room, and you figure out who's going to be the first to come down with the flu. Of course. Well, what do you know? They all have the flu now. The Blue Flu. So, what appears to be a strike is not actually a strike at all. It's just fifty guys who can't wait to get home and shake hands with the unemployed. [points to ringing phone] Would you mind, please?

Fraser: I'd be honored.

Welsh: [on another phone] Detective's division.

Fraser: [answering phone] Squad room.

Welsh: Yes.

Fraser: Uh, yes, sir. You'll have to uh you'll have to calm down. And can you tell me your name please? Henry. Uh, Henry. Do you have a last name, Henry? No, I'm not trying to be inquisitive.

[In strike meeting]

Huey: This offer is insulting!

Crowd of cops: Yeah!

Huey: They're laughing at us!

Crowd: Yeah!

Huey: We deserve respect!

Crowd: Yeah!

Dewey: I am not a police officer! I am a man!

[sudden silence]

[Ray wanders out into the squad room]

Fraser: Henry, don't you see? You're creating an impossible situation for yourself. You can't be expected to know everything. No, I think you should sit down with your wife. I think you should talk to her, and I think you should listen to her. No, no, no, no, no, no, Henry, I'm not suggesting that your wife is always right, but in this case, she may well be. Yes. Well, yes, I do believe that a three-sixteenths ratchet head wrench is exactly what's called for.

Yes, I am Canadian. It's my pleasure, and uh thank you kindly.

Kowalski: What do you think you're doing?

Fraser: People are calling for help.

Kowalski: But you don't work here, Fraser. We do. We'll handle it. Come on, am-scray. [picks up phone] Chicago PD, Area Seven, Detective Division.

[Janet Morse enters the squad room, looking around at the empty desks.]

Janet: Hi.

Frannie: Hi.

Janet: You work here?

Frannie: Yeah. One of the very few.

Janet: Yeah. I'm uh Janet Morse. I'm in from uh Montana, and uh

[Three kids enter.]

Kids: Mom. Guys!

Janet: Hey, hey, hey. I told you guys to wait in the truck. Robbie!

Kowalski: [on phone] Your name, sir? Bob.

Robbie: Let's see what's in this room.

Kowalski: Hmm. How do you spell that?

Janet: Honey, Annie, can you tell your sister not to be scared, please?

A: Well, there's nothing to be scared about, until the swamp monster

eats your head.

Suzanne: Mommy!

Janet: Thanks a lot. Sorry about this.

Robbie: Oh boy, a Mountie!

Frannie: They're pretty cute, actually.

Janet: Yeah, if you're into pain. Oh, Annie, honey, would you go and get your brother for me? Sweetheart, please?

Robbie: [now wearing Fraser's stetson] They got a candy machine.

Janet: [to Frannie] Ah, just give me a sec, will you? Sorry. [to children] Kids, kids, hey, hey, hey!

[strike meeting]

Huey: Now, we've got to do what we think is right

Janet: [pushing her way through the crowd] Sorry, excuse me.

Huey: But if you happen to wake up tomorrow

Janet: I'm Sorry, sorry. Excuse me. [drops her gun]

Huey: feeling not so good, feel free to call in and exercise your right . . . Gun!

Voices: Gun! Freeze!

[Everyone draws on Janet]

Janet: Hi, guys. A little touchy today?

Suzanne: Mommy, I want to go back to the truck

Janet: Okay, hon.

Robbie: Mom, can I have fifty cents for the candy machine?

Janet: In a minute, sweetheart. Momma's a little busy right now.

Fraser: [picking up Janet's gun] Gentlemen, please. I'm sure she has a legitimate reason for having this weapon.

Frannie: Excuse me. Want to get the gun out of my face? You can all relax with the gun action. What are you, Arnold Schwartzenegger? She does have a legitimate reason. She's a bounty hunter.

Voices: Oh. Oh, great.

Janet: Anybody got a problem with that?

[Janet and Fraser find themselves looking at each other as the police all go back to their "business"]

[squad room]

Janet: [handing out chewing gum to the kids] Okay, I'm just going to be a minute, okay? So everybody don't move a muscle and be good, right? Okay?

Frannie: So this is all the paperwork?

Janet: Yeah. Uh, it's uh Bradley Torrance. Charges for felony weapons possession, skipped out on twenty-five thousand dollars bail. I'm in the employ of Hector J. Jones, bail bondsman, Billing, Montana, and so you've got a copy of everything, including the registration for my gun.

Frannie: Guns.

Janet: Yeah.

Kowalski: Guns.

Janet: Just a few.

Kowalski: Bounty hunter? You're a bounty hunter? As in, uh wanted

dead or alive?

Janet: Dead or alive, seriously injured, whatever. Okay, give me back the gum. You know, we had a deal here. Where's your sister? Annie?

Annie: Over here.

Janet: Sweetheart, can you just help me out here with the kids for a minute?

Annie: Hey. You're the mother.

Janet: I know that I'm the mother.

Fraser: [taking her gun] Sorry. It's just that firearms accounted for thirty-nine thousand, five hundred and ninety-five American deaths last year. Fourteen hundred and forty-one of them accidental.

Janet: And less than half of one percent involved licensed professionals, and there were circumstances in each of those cases.

Fraser: True enough.

Janet: But, uh, thanks.

Kowalski: Fraser, can I have a word with you?

Fraser: Excuse me.

Frannie: So this is really cool. Have you always been a bounty hunter?

Janet: Nah. You know, I started out in construction, and then I uh worked the rigs for a while, and then I did a little bit of trick riding in the rodeo.

Kowalski: Those kids are immature.

Fraser: Well, they're children, Ray.

Frannie: Trick riding. Wow, that must have been . . .

Janet: It's hard on your back.

Frannie: Yeah.

Janet: And you know, it's- it's murder on the kids. These- the- the hours.

[Robbie and Suzanne are playing with a chair, banging it against the wall, which is causing a fan above them to loosen its fastenings precariously]

Frannie: Right.

Janet: They're just, uh

Frannie: gruelling.

Janet: So I thought, bounty hunting. You know, the money's good, you can set your own hours, get a little time off to spend with the kids.

[The fan falls, and Fraser and Janet dive for it]

Janet: Got it, thanks.

Fraser: Good.

Kowalski: Good catch.

Janet: Thanks. You know, could you uh run a quick plate for me before I go?

Kowalski: You- you want me to run a plate?

Janet: Yeah. Could you run a plate?

Kowalski: You mean, like a dinner plate?

Janet: Is he really a cop?

Fraser: Yes, actually, he is. Unfortunately you've- you've stepped into the middle of labor unrest.

Janet: Blue flu.

Kowalski: Yeah, we're all sick. Very sick. And as you can see, our hands are full. Very full.

Janet: And so you can't run a plate for me.

Kowalski: No.

Janet: That's great. That's- that's really great. I really appreciate the uh professional support here, and the uh . . . Forget it, just forget it. It's okay. I'm fine. I can do it myself. Come on, kids, let's go. We're out of here. Annie, come on honey, a little smile on your face, please, a little cooperation. Come on.

Fraser: Ma'am. Ma'am?

Janet: What?

Fraser: Your weapon.

Janet: Damn it.

Fraser: Are you all right?

Janet: Yeah, I just- I'm not getting enough sleep.

Kowalski: [playing with a game that involves a golf ball dangling from a string] Triple! [Fraser looks at him] What? Look, I can't break ranks on this.

Fraser: Understood.

Kowalski: No, I can't. Look, Fraser, I can't!

Fraser: Well, I heard you, Ray. I understand.

[In Janet's truck]

Janet: I don't need the help, you know. I like working alone.

Fraser: [Holding Suzanne and Robbie, who are trying to fight] Well, actually, I'm not a licensed police officer in this jurisdiction.

Janet: You're not?

Fraser: No, I'm afraid not.

Janet: Then what the hell good are you?

Fraser: Well, I thought perhaps I could help look after your children.

Robbie: [trying to get to Suzanne] Yah, yah, yah.

Suzanne: Ace!

Janet: Well, yeah, okay. You can do that.

Fraser: Done.

Janet: I'm just going to warn you though, if you're going to be hanging around, I've got a bit of a temper.

Fraser: Well, people say the same thing about me.

Janet: Really?

Fraser: No.

Janet: Kind of a long way from home, aren't you?

Fraser: As are you.

Janet: Yeah. As am I.

Suzanne: You're sitting on Toad.

Fraser: Am I? Oh, dear. [in half-falsetto] Oop, oop. So I am. Ribbit.

Suzanne: Thanks.

Fraser: Did I hurt him?

Suzanne: You can't hurt him. He's stuffed.

Robbie: Bozo!

Janet: Robbie!

Fraser: Well, he does have a point. [to Dief, who is trying to bite the stuffed toad] Dief, do you mind?

[Janet stops and leaves others in car while she goes to talk to blonde woman who is Torrance's girlfriend]

Robbie: My mom makes friends really easy.

Fraser: Well, that's an important ability to have in life.

Annie: She does it just so she can find stuff out.

Fraser: Well, that's important, too.

Suzanne: Bozo!

Robbie: You're a bozo.

Suzanne: [points at Fraser] He's a bozo.

Fraser: You know something? I think we're all bozos.

Janet: [getting back in] Okay, I got you some mints. So before you start hollering that they're not up to the Holiday Inn standard, I just want you to know that they were all they had.

Fraser: Thank you kindly.

Janet: Well, that was the fugitive's girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend, actually. He knew her in Montana.

Fraser: Has he contacted her here?

Janet: Mm-hmm. Got an address.

Fraser: Well, before we visit him, I wonder if I could make one suggestion. A potential baby-sitter.

[interrogation room]

Robbie: So they sit right there, the criminals? They sit right there?

Kowalski: Yeah, and then we ask them questions. Like uh if somebody got whacked, we go, "You whack that guy?"

Annie: And if they don't cooperate? Do you yell at them?

Kowalski: Yell at them? Uh, I- yeah, sometimes.

Annie: You must have kids.

Kowalski: Uh, in here, not that often.

Annie: No, I mean you. You got kids?

Kowalski: Oh, me? [laughs nervously] No. I mean, uh I wanted kids but my- my wife didn't so

Robbie: Say you caught a bad guy. So you caught a bad guy. Say you caught him, and he's a bad guy. So you take your handcuffs and you put them on the bad guy's wrists? [demonstrating with Ray's handcuff's on Ray's wrist]

Kowalski: Yeah. Like that, why? [Robbie tries to fasten the other side of the handcuffs to the table leg] Nah. [laughing] No, no, no, no, no.

Robbie: Okay. And then you get the bad guy. And then you get him in the corner. [following Ray as Ray tries to keep the handcuffs away from him]

Kowalski: Yeah, sometimes we do that. [there is a clicking noise]

Robbie: And then you lock the bad guy up.

Kowalski: [now locked to a pipe] Yes, we do that once in a while, but then we let him go, so . . . Hey kids, keys! Hey, that's not buddies. I hate you.

[The kids leave him there]

[Outside a motel room]

Janet: Nobody home.

Fraser: No one's answering.

Janet: Oh, we'd hear him breathing if he were in there.

Fraser: True enough. Maybe we can find a manager who will let us in.

Janet: Well, we could do that, sure, but [kicks in door] why bother him?

Fraser: [as Janet searches the room] How long have you been doing this kind of work?

Janet: Not long. Why do you ask?

Fraser: You seem to have a natural aptitude for it. [examines and licks a pair of boots as Janet talks]

Janet: Well, I grew up in Montana. And, uh, my dad was taking me hunting with him by the time I was three. You know, I got to tell you, that there is not a lot of difference between bear hunting and hunting bail jumpers.

Fraser: I suppose not. Although I find the scent trail is much more useful with bear.

Janet: Well, that's true. And the scat's more informative.

Fraser: Oh, scat in the city, well, it's virtually useless.

Janet: Especially in the winter.

Fraser: Yeah, I know. Well, everything's . . . Uh, how much do you know about this man that you're hunting?

Janet: Enough.

Fraser: Is he dangerous?

Janet: Not particularly. Three hundred bucks. [pockets money]

Fraser: Are you planning on taking that?

Janet: You- you have a problem with that.

Fraser: Well, ordinarily, yes. I have a problem with theft.

Janet: Well, sure. But uh this is evidence.

Fraser: Oh.

Janet: Of the fact that he has three hundred dollars. I don't usually do this, but it just means the kids and I won't have to spend another night in the truck.

Fraser: I understand.

[Outside the motel room]

Janet: [sees man approaching] Hold it, sweetheart.

Torrance: Hey. Don't shoot.

Janet: Ride's over.

Thatcher: We- we can cut some sort of a deal, right?

[a car appears and a thug shoots from it]

Fraser: Down. [pulls Janet down with him]

Thatcher: [Runs from guys in car]

Janet: [to Fraser, who is lying next to her looking into her eyes] Shouldn't we do something?

Fraser: What?

Janet: About the bad guys?

Fraser: Oh, right, the bad guys.

Lopez: [pointing gun at Torrance, who's gotten into a car] Get out of there.

Janet: Torrance! [jumps into car with Torrance, grabbing for his gun and/or the steering wheel]

Lopez: I said, get out of there.

Janet: You rotten scumbag!

Thatcher: You're going to get us killed!

[meanwhile Fraser runs alongside car that shot at them and grabs Lopez's gun]

Lopez: Get him!

Janet: I am going to blow your head off.

Thatcher: Let go.

[Fraser and Janet each win their battles for the firearms, but get hurled from the moving cars]

Janet: Sorry, my fault.

Fraser: No, I think that was my fault.

Janet: No, I- I couldn't get a grip on that wheel.

Fraser: Well, I was holding a shotgun.

Janet: Yeah, but I could have spun him out.

Fraser: I could have blown out his tires.

[at the 27th precinct]

Kowalski: This is not some penny-ante hood, here. This smells like the real deal. So I'm thinking maybe there's something you forgot to tell us.

Janet: Oh, I didn't realize you were working on the case. But, you know, since you ask, no. Nothing I forgot to tell you. It's Bradley

Torrance. Small-time slimeball chiseler, pure and simple.

Kowalski: Small-time guy with big-time guns chasing him.

Janet: I don't know. Maybe it was mistaken identity.

Fraser: Well, that seems unlikely, given the probability that the men in question followed us to Torrance.

Janet & Kowalski: [in unison] What?

Fraser: Well, I noticed them behind us a couple of times when you were driving.

Janet: You might- you might have mentioned that.

Fraser: Well, I assumed you were aware of them.

Janet: Yeah, maybe I was and maybe I wasn't, but you know those assumptions can be dangerous.

Fraser: You know, you're quite right. I stand corrected.

Janet: No, no, no, no. I- I- I should have noticed.

Fraser: Well, no, as soon as I saw

Kowalski: Listen to you two. You need professional help.

Fraser: Psychiatric?

Kowalski: No, cop help.

Janet: Well, hey, I tried.

Kowalski: Yeah, but I told you, we're in the middle of something here.

Janet: Yeah, so you keep saying.

Kowalski: Look, I don't- I don't like hairbags shooting up the city any more than you do.

Welsh: Excuse me. With all due respect to the collective illness. You think I might be able to find a detective who will work on an actual crime?

Kowalski: Keep it real, man. Francesca? Can you get this shotgun up to forensics, see if you can get some prints or something off it?

Frannie: I'm on the phone.

Kowalski: I know you're on the phone. After you get off the phone, hey, hey, hey.

Got the description of the shooters. I want that out to all the beat cars. Make copies of that, okay?

Dewey: Oh, we got plenty of cases on our desks already which deserve our unfocused, undivided attention.

Huey: Hey, no jumping the lines.

Kowalski: Look, I'm going to have to deal with this later, okay?

Janet: Yeah, sure. Well, that's fine.

Fraser: I'm sorry.

Janet: No, you've been a terrific help. I should go. Okay, come on, kids, saddle up. Let's go find ourselves a motel. [checks pocket for Torrance's money] I don't believe it.

Fraser: What?

Janet: It's gone. That scumbag took it. The three hundred bucks.

He took it.

Suzanne: Mommy, I'm tired.

Janet: Okay hon, come on. [to Fraser] Can you recommend a good parking garage? Preferably one that doesn't get too much morning sun.

[the consulate]

Janet: Let's go.

Fraser: Constable Turnbull?

Robbie: Wow.

Turnbull: Ah, sir?

Fraser: Ah, Constable, this is Janet Morse These are her children:

Annie, Robbie, Sue.

Turnbull: Hello.

Fraser: And they will be sleeping here tonight.

Turnbull: Oh.

Robbie: I want to sleep up there.

Janet: Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Turnbull: No no no no no. It's just that ah nobody can sleep up there. It's the Queen's bedroom.

Annie: The Queen sleeps here?

Turnbull: Oh, she could. Whenever she's uh in Chicago um the regal suite will always be ready for her.

Robbie: But she's never actually slept there.

Turnbull: No.

Annie: Princess Di?

Turnbull: No.

Suzanne: Fergie?

Turnbull: No.

Robbie: Has anyone slept there?

Turnbull: Oh, yes indeedy-doo. The chairman of the beef marketing board, huh?

Fraser: I have some bedding in the uh Turnbull: Oh, Bobby Horse slept here once. And k. d. lang. But not at the same time, for obvious reasons.

[Fraser's office]

Janet: You live here?

Fraser: Yes. Well, until I find something more permanent, which I imagine will be pretty much

Janet: Like this?

Fraser: Yes, I suppose so.

Janet: Well, you don't need much.

Fraser: No.

Janet: It's very peaceful.

[sound of something breaking]

Turnbull: Hey you kids, come here! Ow! That smarts.

Janet: Excuse me.

Turnbull: That's quite a smack for someone your size.

Janet: Suzanne!

Annie: Uh oh, here comes Mom. Now you're going to get it.

Fraser, Sr.: Minute of your time, Son?

[Fraser enters closet]

Fraser, Sr: I don't know. They said that applewood lasts longer, gives off a pleasant aroma. And that may well be true, but I'll tell you this, my son. It's damn difficult to get that stuff to burn.

Fraser: What do you want, Dad?

Fraser, Sr.: Interesting woman.

Fraser: Yes, she is.

Fraser, Sr.: Nice kids.

Fraser: [laughs] What are you trying to suggest?

Fraser, Sr.: Oh, I'm not suggesting anything, Son. It's just that lately I've been thinking a lot about grandchildren.

Fraser: Grandchildren.

Fraser, Sr.: Yeah. Well, you know. I'm getting on.

Fraser: Getting on? You're dead.

Fraser, Sr.: Yes, I am. And in death, I'm learning to appreciate the importance of family. All of those great times we had together, you know.

Fraser: Dad, Mom and I saw you about once every sixteen weeks, and sometimes then you slept out with the dogs.

Fraser, Sr.: And there was always a good reason, Son. No, no. My mind is harkening back to those special times. You know, all of those great family dinners.

Fraser: We never had family dinners.

Fraser, Sr.: Well, God willing, someone will die before Christmas and I'll have them around for dinner. Maybe your cousins, Douglas and Dwayne. They were always fun. In the meantime, make a close appraisal of this girl, Janet. She'd be good for you. She's sturdy.

Fraser: Sturdy.

Fraser, Sr.: Yeah.

Fraser: Great advice, Dad. Really. Top-drawer. Thank you.

Fraser, Sr.: That's all right, Son. Door's always ajar.

[on Consulate staircase]

Turnbull: Now, I thought we discussed this. Absolutely no going upstairs.

Fraser: Constable, have you seen Ms. Morse?

Turnbull: She's uh

Fraser: All right, listen. Just continue doing what you're doing for, uh, well just continue doing it.

Turnbull: Oh, but sir.

Fraser: Good man.

Turnbull: Okay, I've got an idea. I'm going to read you a classic story. Gulliver's Travels. It's a story about a man who travels

around the world having adventures.

Robbie: Like our dad?

Turnbull: Is your dad a giant? Ow.

Kids: [racing upstairs] Come on!

[Ray's car]

Fraser: I found this on a boot in his closet. I believe the mixture to be composed of mud, rubbing alcohol, straw, and horse sweat.

Kowalski: Oh, I find that all very interesting, Fraser.

Fraser: Well, my conclusion is that it comes from a nearby stables.

Now, Janet, or Ms. Morse, was with me when we found it, so I believe that she will be at the stables even as we speak.

Kowalski: You don't understand my position on this, Fraser. I cannot break ranks on this.

Fraser: No, no, no, no. I understand this completely. So what I was hoping was that we could explore the possibility of pay duty as a supplement to your income. It's my understanding that it's a common practice for many police officers to lend their services in areas, say, such as crowd control, or additional security.

Kowalski: Yeah, well, but

Fraser: Right. So how much would it cost me to hire you to accompany me.

Kowalski: To the stables.

Fraser: Correct.

Kowalski: Fifty.

Fraser: Forty.

Kowalski: Thirty.

Fraser: Twenty.

Kowalski: Done.

[Consulate]

Turnbull: Lilliputians. Lilliputians are little tiny people that make Gulliver looked like a giant.

Suzanne: Like you?

Turnbull: Well, I suppose I am kind of tall.

Suzanne: He's a real bozo.

Robbie: Yeah. I've got an idea. Just do what I say. Okay?

Suzanne: Okay.

Annie: Whatever.

Turnbull: What?

[Stables]

Janet: [gasps]

Fraser: Sorry.

Janet: Oh. Kids okay?

Fraser: Yeah, they're fine.

Janet: Oh, good. Sorry to duck out like that.

Fraser: Oh, it's all right.

Kowalski: Look, I don't mean to interrupt, but is he here?

Janet: Yeah, head groom said she hired a new guy about four months ago. Different name, but it sounds like him.

Fraser: Torrance! We're here to help.

Kowalski: Stop! Chicago PD!

[Torrance escapes in a car]

Kowalski: Some people you just can't help.

[Consulate]

Fraser: You have beautiful children.

Janet: They're rats. But you know, when you see them like this, you remember why you really wanted them.

Fraser: You're lucky.

Janet: Yeah, I am. You know it's- it's really nice of you to do this.

Fraser: Oh, it's my pleasure.

Janet: You mean that?

Fraser: Yes.

Janet: You miss home.

Fraser: Yes. You?

Janet: Oh, yes. You got a place?

Fraser: Mmm-hmm. Fortitude Bay. It's a four-day hike in from Chilkoot pass. It's very peaceful, well, once you get past the lava

springs and the polecats and the poisonous tundra beetles. You?

Janet: Yeah. Yeah, I do. I've a

Fraser: Here let me, I'll move this.

Janet: I've got a cabin just by a waterfall. Outside Whitefish? Yeah, built it myself. It's a pretty little place but, I don't know, I don't get up much there anymore, and

Fraser: It's very easy to become disconnected.

Janet: That's right. It is. You know, these problems come crowding in and, and everything's racing, and I get to the point I just feel like I'm never going to feel that peace and comfort again.

[stretching] Ahh.

Fraser: You might feel a little more comfortable without the ankle holster.

Janet: Oh, right. I forgot about that one. I don't know. It's just- it's just hard sometimes, holding this whole thing together.

Fraser: I'm sure it is.

Janet: It's kind of lonely and uh . . . oh, I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I just . . . I just feel like I can trust you.

Can I trust you?

Fraser: Yes.

Janet: Can I trust you to kiss me?

Fraser: I, uh . . . [bends toward her]

Fraser, Sr.: Resist.

Fraser: I can't.

Janet: You're right. No, you're right.

Fraser: No. No, I didn't mean

Janet: No, I've got those three kids in the other room. I've got this husband I got to settle up with. I just feel like I know you.

Fraser: I know.

[Janet leaves]

Fraser: [to Fraser, Sr.] Well, thanks a lot.

Fraser, Sr.: Look at that face. Like a young cadet who just snuck a radiologist into the dorm.

Fraser: What are you talking about?

Fraser, Sr.: Well don't get all stroppy. It was long before I met your mother.

Fraser: What is wrong with you?

Fraser, Sr.: Some people are vulnerable. Their force is at a low ebb. You know, it's not right to take advantage of people in such a position.

Fraser: Oh, you're right. I- I behaved improperly.

Fraser, Sr.: Not you. Her, son. You don't want to rush into these things.

Fraser: What kind of thing?

Fraser, Sr.: You're building a house. Do you want to start with the roof? No. You start with the foundation, one brick on another brick, then the floor, then some walls, a couple of windows, gabled something would be nice, and an aerial [?] or two, bit of stained glass, then you think about the roof.

Fraser: By any chance do they have any psychiatrists in the afterworld, I mean, someone who could help you?

Fraser, Sr.: Let's face it, Son. You need somebody, and I think this Janet has got a lot to recommend her. She's bright, capable, and above all, she's sturdy. But you got to take it one step at a time. And all this house stuff that I've been building up to, she could be your foundation.

Fraser: Do you mind?

Janet: [coming back into the office] Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm uh I'm going to sleep in the- in the other room with the kids on the floor.

Fraser: No, no, no, no, no. Please, you sleep here, and I'll, uh, I'll make other arrangements.

Janet: No, I can't, I

Fraser: Please.

Janet: You're sure?

Fraser: Okay.

Janet: Okay.

Fraser: Good night.

Janet: Good night.

[Consulate hallway outside Fraser's office]

Thatcher: Fraser. Fraser!

Fraser: [wakes up] Good morning, sir.

Thatcher: What's going on?

Janet: [coming out of office] Morning.

Fraser: Morning.

Janet: Toothpaste? [Fraser points upward] Great.

Fraser: Uh, your, uh

Thatcher: Office.

Fraser: Right. Oh, dear.

[Thatcher's office]

Thatcher: Tell me something, Constable. Are we running a five-star hotel?

Fraser: No, sir.

Thatcher: A fly-by-night motel?

Fraser: No.

Thatcher: Is it a drop-in center?

Fraser: No, sir.

Thatcher: An orphanage?

Fraser: No.

Thatcher: Perhaps, then, it's a bordello.

Fraser: No, sir.

Thatcher: So in conclusion, this is not a place where travellers sleep, nor is it a daycare center, and it is most definitely not an institution where you would bring wayward women to satisfy animal needs and unmentionable underwear.

Fraser: Do you mean "desires," sir?

Thatcher: That's what I said.

Fraser: So you did, yes.

Thatcher: Good. I'm glad we agree. I await your full report with bated breath. Dismissed.

Turnbull: [bound and gagged behind Thatcher's desk] Mmmm hmm hmm.

Thatcher: Fraser! [removes tape from Turnbull's mouth]

Turnbull: [laughs] Oh, those kids, sir. What a hoot!

[27th precinct]

Frannie: We got lucky. The prints on the shotgun match the fingers of this guy.

Fraser: That's the shooter.

Frannie: His name is Harvey "The Nail" Lopez, and he works out of Denver for some mob man.

Kowalski: Mob guy.

Frannie: Guy. Man. Dude. You going to split a hair over this? The Nail is from Denver, and he works for Lester "The Bull" Rivers. Where do they dream up these names, or do they look through some big book to find them?

Kowalski: They got a big book. Uh, long-term bad guy, suspected in three homicides. Hard-core pro.

Fraser: And what's the connection between Bradley Torrance and organized crime?

Kowalski: Ask her. She's the one who's looking for him.

Janet: For bail-jumping, not for a major crime.

Kowalski: Oh, and you just happened to have a couple of hit men, trailing behind you in a car.

Janet: So what are you implying?

Kowalski: I suppose you didn't know that this Torrance is on the run with a bagful of mob money.

Janet: Bradley?

Kowalski: Bradley. Organized crime squad in Denver says that uh he ripped them off for a couple of mil. Say there's a contract out on him. I suppose these guys are here to fill it. Maybe with a little help.

Janet: So you think I'm working with them?

Kowalski: Well, they just couldn't waltz in here and get the police to help them, now, could they?

Janet: No, Mother Theresa couldn't walk in here and get any help.

Kowalski: Cause she can't walk, for one.

Fraser: All right, all right. Excuse me. I think we should concentrate on trying to find Bradley Torrance. Now we know that he's got two contract killers after him. There will undoubtedly be additional bounty hunters. He can't return to his motel room because the police on the street are looking for him.

Janet: Well, if there were any police on the street.

Fraser: Well, what would he do in this situation?

Janet: He'd find a woman to help him.

Kowalski: Wait, more bounty hunters?

[bar]

Girlfriend: Look, I haven't seen him for days.

Janet: Aw, come on, Helen, we're just trying to help.

Girlfriend: Like I should really believe that.

Janet: I know I shouldn't have said I was his sister, but

[three bounty hunters enter bar]

Kowalski: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gentlemen! Chicago PD.

Bounty Hunter 1: We're the bounty hunters. We want Bradley Torrance.

Janet: Yeah? Well, get in line.

Bounty Hunter 2: [spots Torrance in back of bar] There! Get him!

[Torrance runs for his car outside.]

Bounty Hunter 3: It's all over.

Bounty Hunter 2: You're going back to Big Sky Country.

Bounty Hunter 1: Hey, I saw him first!

Bounty Hunter 2: He's mine.

Bounty Hunter 3: He belongs to me!

Janet: [shoots into air] He's mine. I laid claim to this stake long before you boys even heard his name.

Bounty Hunter 3: You think so?

Janet: I know so. January thirteenth, nineteen eighty-six. South Ridgeway Baptist Church, eleven thirty-five A.M. I married this schmuck. He's mine.

[bar]

Torrance: Well, here we are. Who would have thought it would come to this?

Janet: My mother, my sister, most of my girlfriends.

Girlfriend: Why didn't you tell me you had a wife?

Bounty Hunter 3: You lied to your woman?

Bounty Hunter 2: Can't build a relationship on mistrust, man.

Kowalski: I guess you didn't think was important to tell us he was your husband.

Janet: You know, I don't get any help from the cops if I tell them I'm after a deadbeat husband. Especially not my own deadbeat husband. [to Fraser] But I, uh, I should have told you.

Bounty Hunter 1: Why, you got something going with hot boy, here?

Janet: Hey. What's it to you?

Bounty Hunter 1: Well, I'm a student of human nature.

Torrance: What is a Mountie doing here, anyway?

Kowalski: His name is Constable Benton Fraser. He first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of his father, and for reasons that do not need explaining at this juncture, he has remained a lesion

Fraser: Uh, liaison, Ray. Attached as liaison with the Canadian consulate. You know, it may be possible that your husband had a reason for leaving.

Girlfriend: Yeah, he's a pig.

Fraser: Well, apart from that. A different reason.

Torrance: Right. What would that be?

Fraser: I'm referring to the killers who are pursuing you. It might be that he didn't want to lead them to his family.

Bounty Hunter 2: That takes guts.

Torrance: Ha. Didn't think of that, did you? A lot of guys would have led armed men to their families. Not me. If that's a crime, I'm guilty.

Bounty Hunter 1: Hey, give the guy a chance.

Janet: Yeah, yeah, yeah. He left six months ago.

Kowalski: Excuse me, excuse me. I hate to break up a love connection but we got the matter of an outstanding warrant. So I'm going to take our little friend down to the station and sort it out.

Torrance: No, this is all a big mistake.

Kowalski: It usually is.

Torrance: Wait, no, I'm serious. It was just my- stupid.

Janet: Yeah, well that much I could believe.

Kowalski: Hey, you fart-handles pull those weapons in Chicago, you can say good-bye to them, okay? Let's go.

Torrance: Listen, I- I was playing the horses. I wound up owing Lester Rivers around fifty grand. So he says- he says he's going to forget the whole thing if I just do- run this little errand for him.

Fraser: Excuse me. [sniffs Torrance's fingers]

Torrance: What- what are you doing?

Fraser: Nothing. No, I'm sorry. Please, carry on.

Torrance: I thought you were going to kiss it. He wasn't going to kiss it, was he?

Kowalski: You're lucky he didn't lick it.

Torrance: So anyway, I go. I pick up this package from these two very nasty-looking guys to take back to Lester and I open the package. Well, did you ever see two million dollars? Huh? Well, I'm looking at it, it's all green and beautiful and I'm thinking this is the last chance I got to do anything for us, you know, for the kids. So- so I lie low for a few days. And I- and then I hear there's like this contract out on me. And I figure maybe this- this hasn't been the best move that I ever made. So I- I go, I buy a couple of guns from this guy that I know and they bust me for that. Look, I bail myself out, and I run.

Fraser: To protect the children.

Torrance: Right, right. To protect them. And Janet. [to Janet] Look, you don't know what it's like for me. You earn the money all the time. What it does to my self-respect.

Janet: Oh. So what you're saying is, you're not really a deadbeat.

You're just really, really stupid.

Torrance: Right.

Kowalski: Hup, two. Get in the car.

Fraser: Look out!

[thugs drive up, shooting, and Torrance runs toward their car]

Kowalski: Hey! Chicago PD.

Rivers: Come here!

Torrance: Lester.

Rivers: Get in! Get in the car! Go!

[Torrance jumps/is pulled into car. Car drives off. The three bounty hunters follow.]

Janet: Damn it! Damn, damn, damn. You just let him get away.

Kowalski: I didn't let him. You let him get away.

Janet: You are some crackerjack cop.

Kowalski: Hey, hey. Your husband.

Fraser: Excuse me. I think the question we should be asking ourselves is, where did they take him? Now, judging from the amount of mud and manure under his fingernails, my guess is that they've taken

Janet: Stables.

Fraser: Correct. Ray, shall we?

Kowalski: Yeah. You realize, of course, that this is going to cost you. Another fifty.

Fraser: Forty.

Kowalski: Thirty.

Fraser: Twenty.

Kowalski: Done.

Janet: You pay this guy?

Fraser: Canadian funds.

[At stables]

Torrance: [digging a hole] I don't know why this has to be so big.

It's only a bag. I mean, you could bury a body . . .

Rivers: Just do it, okay?

Torrance: Lester, I'm giving back the money. You said if I give back

the money, you were going to let me live.

Rivers: Dig.

[middle of nowhere]

Bounty Hunter 2: I thought you knew where we were going?

Bounty Hunter 1: What are we going to do now?

Bounty Hunter 2: What the hell?

Bounty Hunter 3: Don't give me that.

Bounty Hunter 2: Who thought you were right in the first place?

[They fight]

[at stables]

Kowalski: I'll call for backup. [dials] Vecchio. Uh, it's an emergency at the racetrack. I need backup. Don't put- don't put me on hold.

Fraser: I think it's advisable that we wait for Ray.

Janet: Yeah. That strike ought to be over in a month or so.

Fraser: I have no arrest authority here.

Janet: I do.

[Fraser and Janet enter barn]

Janet: Hold it!

Rivers: You want him dead or alive? Drop the gun.

Torrance: Don't do it, Janet. They'll kill you.

Janet: That was really unselfish of you, Bradley.

Torrance: Thank you.

Rivers: Okay, so he's a nice guy. I'm still going to kill him.

[Janet tosses down her gun]

Torrance: Thanks. You shouldn't have done that, but thanks.

Janet: Yeah, well, I did it for the kids.

Rivers: Shut up! Toss me that bag. Give me that bag. Get it up here. Watch it.

[Ray sneaks up and tackles Thug]

Janet: Down!

Fraser: Good work, Ray. I'll get the other one.

Kowalski: Down!

Janet: Watch this one real good for me, okay? He's worth twelve hundred bucks.

Kowalski: Kiss the dirt! Kiss the dirt. Get down there. I don't want to see you.

[Rivers races off and steals a motorcycle. Fraser chases on foot.]

Janet: Fraser! Fraser!

[She has two horses -- Fraser leaps into the saddle of the second one. They chase, and Fraser tackles Rivers]

Fraser: Good riding.

Janet: You, too.

Fraser: Oh, thank you. Thank you kindly. Oh, I- I thought I sort of drifted to the left a little, there.

Janet: Oh, no, no, not at all. You know, actually I was crowding you a little.

Fraser: Oh, no. No. Its, uh, I'm very inexperienced.

Janet: Really? Well, you have a wonderful natural aptitude.

Fraser: You think so?

Janet: Yes, yes. You ever think of uh riding trick in a rodeo? Fraser: No, no. Although you know, now that you mention it, I was once involved in something that resembled trick riding on a renegade bison on the main street of Vegreville, a town that's noted for its enormous painted egg. Oh, my hat. You see, the bison . . .

[squad room]

[Torrance is playing with kids, spinning in a desk chair]

Robbie: Faster, faster, faster.

Annie: I can't go faster.

Welsh: Constable?

Fraser: Lieutenant.

Welsh: Glad to see you were able to shake that nagging flu, Ray.

Kowalski: No one's happier to be back at work than me, sir.

Dief: Woof, woof, woof.

Fraser: They're nice kids. I hope their father doesn't have to go to jail.

Kowalski: Yeah, working on a deal to testify against uh Lester

Rivers. Immunity, witness protection, the whole eight yards. Janet: Bradley, you know, you do something stupid like this again, and I'm going to bunch a hole in your back and pull your spine through and beat you over the head with it.

Torrance: That sounds fair, Janet.

Janet: Yeah.

[in corridor]

Janet: So anyway, I'm going to work out some arrangement with Bradley.

Fraser: Oh.

Janet: Oh, no, nothing like that, no. I mean, he can come and stay on the weekends or something, but not- I've got this shed that I'm going to make into a bunkhouse and you know, he can stay out there.

It's not like he's a great dad, 'cause, I mean, hell, he's not even a good dad, but you know, the kids need to see him so I- you know, what can you do? You just

Fraser: I understand.

Janet: Well, anyway, I just wanted to say, you know, thanks for all your help, and Fraser: It was my pleasure.

Janet: Oh, you were great.

Fraser: Thank you.

Janet: Well, so, bye.

Fraser: Okay.

[They walk away from each other]

Fraser: Hey, you know something.

[They come back face to face]

Fraser: You can trust me.

Janet: Yeah, I know.

[They kiss]

Janet: See you. [leaves]

Fraser, Sr.: A man always feels better when he's done his duty.

Fraser: [blinking back tears] Dad, when you were alone out there without Mom, did you ever feel lonely?

Fraser, Sr.: Oh, every second, Son. Every second.

Fraser: That's what I thought.

Kowalski: Hey, buddy, let's get something -- [stops, noticing Fraser hasn't turned to look at him] Uh, I know you're a little short of cash, but uh I'm flush, so I'm buying. Look, it'll be all right.